Gary The Magician

Greatest showman in the world!...or at least in DELCO, PA

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

@DELCOhut It’s cold as shit in here, Big Joe Balls.

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

Had to make myself disappear for a while.
#Taxes
#UncleSam

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

@DELCOhut @frankdirukie I’m hammered right now, BJB

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

My wallet got stolen at my last show at a 5 year old bday party. That sucks. I think it was that little brat Ricky. Kid was heckling me the entire time.

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

@DELCOhut @frankdirukie @stow_man I have trouble running my apt but I think I can run a store.
A couple names in the running:
Gary’s Magic Food Fest

Magical Munchies

Gary’s Magical Meals

Either way the tag line will be: ‘We’ll make that appetite disappear!’

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

Business is a little slow lately so I’m now willing to accept partially used gift cards as payment for my magical magic act. Only thing I ask is that the remaining balance on the gift card is above $5. Thanks

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

@DELCOhut @Bertuccis @Applebees You’re right, Big Joe Balls. I wouldn’t touch those places with a 10 foot magic wand.

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

@DELCOhut @frankdirukie BJB, I used to rip bong hits every Wednesday before I go on for family night. But Hilda recently gave me a weed pen. Much more convenient and great for sudden onset of anxiety attacks during an act! Puffing on that badboy right now in the walk-in.

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

@DELCOhut @frankdirukie I’m working on them, Big Joe Balls. As u know I was in the clink for stealing a wallet at your place during family night last month but I swear it was all part of the act. So what if I didn’t give it back right away? Sue me. Well, he did.

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

I paid for this Magic Seminar over in Rutherford, NJ. Turned out to be some washed up magician showing rudimentary tricks. Imagine that? A washed up magician doing bad tricks?

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

@DELCOhut @AmandaLCim @ChickfilA Sorry, Big Joe Balls. I signed a contract with @ChickfilA the other day. They’re giving me free nuggets, waffle fries, a sandwich and soda the night I’m there. It’s a sweeter pot than your one slice and small soda.

If you’re gonna sue someone, sue me. Leave @ChickfilA out of it

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

@DELCOhut @ChipotleTweets You’re extra greasy pepperoni pizza gets me every time, Big Joe Balls. I made all of your patrons disappear last week after that noxious dump I took. Sorry about that.

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

On top of all my other bad luck (not magical) I went to North Philadelphia the other day to spread my magic and while at lunch my wallet disappeared...real fast. I’ve never made something disappear as fast as that did.
#Poof

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

Been laying low for a while. Someone is trying to sue me for a magical mishap. I dropped someone’s family heirloom down a gutter by accident when I was trying some street magic.
#FamilyBroach
#MagicalMishaps

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

@DELCOhut I’m okay now, Big Joe Balls. Wrong pipe or something. That thing was some god damn cheesy I don’t know who ur supplier is but I might have to have a word with them. Give me their number please.

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

@BSnortski Leave my father out of this you son of a bitch. He died doing what he loved...what I love...magic.

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

🚨🚨ALERT 🚨ALERT🚨🚨
David Blaine’s Magic is fake!!
@davidblaine

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

I didn’t want to come out with this before now, but at The Sands circa 1988, Barbara Streisand gropes me backstage.
Let the media frenzy begin.

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

@DELCOhut Damn right, Big Joe Balls

[Gary The Magician @MagicianGary]

Burnt myself with a sparkler.
#NotMagical