Girthquake

Shitposting is next to Godliness

[George Alexopoulos @GPrime85]

Fairy tales warned us for generations that witches murder children in exchange for demonic power. The stories are true.

Our rational scientific world dismissed fairy tales as superstitious allegory. We stopped believing, so the Brides of Satan were allowed to return under the guise of modernist terms like "feminism" and "empowerment." We now see the horrific consequences of ignoring the wisdom of the past.

"That's not what witches look like," one might say. But remember, the purpose of a story is to use allusion to dispel illusions. We see the hideous soul of a witch, her true self, on the outside, so that listeners can be warned what happens to someone's soul when they give it to devils.

The key characteristic of a witch is a smile, an invitation, an offer of comfort or strength, if only you'll exchange a piece of yourself (for instance a chunk of flesh, aka transition surgery, or a fetus).

[donald boat @laserboat999]

Nescafe instant tastes like dark elf taint

[Bjorn @steakeggsmilk]

You are not a “sensitive young man”. You are a pussy and a FAGGOT.

[Lee Kuan Yimby @LeeKuanYimby]

This is North Korean style Propaganda about balancing a budget.

He owed mom $20 and he got dad to give him $30 with 80% interest.

440K Likes.

[Robert Sterling @RobertMSterling]

Deloitte’s CEO finding out his accountants have been pouring chemicals into the river

[Beni Douala @Taboudrist96]

2 équipes, H / F séparés sur une île.

Les hommes ont :
- chassés du crocodile
- péchés du poisson
- fait du feu
- même eu le luxe de jouer au baseball.

Les femmes ont :
- pleurées
- été incapables de pêcher, chasser, allumer un feu
- eu des clashs répétitifs

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[9mmSMG @9mmsmg]

Feminists coming to the rescue when they hear someone who wants to put them in a burqa is being deported.

[captive dreamer @captive_dreamer]

You can literally murder your wife and get a better eulogy than if you supported Trump:

[John Doyle @JohnDoyle]

They’re not mad about someone dying btw they’re just mad it wasn’t the ICE agent

[Mark Taylor @Mark___Taylor]

ICE just saved a six year old kid from getting trooned out by his mentally ill mother. Heroic.

[Logan Hall @loganclarkhall]

“You can’t just bomb a third world country and topple monuments to communists and swoop down and snatch their leader in the middle of the night… You are violating international law… Congress has to declare war… This isn’t fair…”

[captive dreamer @captive_dreamer]

If the average person interacted with someone who regularly uses EBT, they would literally think that the person was a racist caricature drawn up by some far right figure

[Jesse Kelly @JesseKellyDC]

I remain a huge fan of the government being shut down.

[9mmSMG @9mmsmg]

"Why the hell do you care about South Africa?" Asks the man with 14 Ukraine flags in his bio.

SA is my Ukraine.

[9mmSMG @9mmsmg]

When Bionca Ellis stabbed three year old Julian Wood and took this young childs life, she didn't call him a slur. Save me your fake outrage over words said in a park.

[Thomas Massie @RepThomasMassie]

Apparently HR 867 has been pulled from the schedule for this week. Thank you for your vocal opposition on this platform. It was a ridiculous bill that our leadership should have never scheduled for a vote.

[9mmSMG @9mmsmg]

You arrested Trump and his lawyers. You arrested people for memes. You arrested people for walking through the Capitol. Now you're pearl clutching when judges are arrested for actively subverting our nation and hiding illegals?

Be thankful that Trump is a moderate.

[9mmSMG @9mmsmg]

People will spend 20 years of their life as hopeless addicts. They'll rob, cheat, and steal. They'll betray everyone close to them without a tear. Then, They'll OD and say "Wow I almost hurt MYSELF" and get clean. Once they're clean, they're commended by how brave and strong they are.

No, they did the right thing, and in this case, the right thing involved them simply NOT doing something. Congratulations, you're a normal human. It should be respected, but seeing people brag about their sobriety is obnoxious.

[doomer @uncledoomer]

i would give anything in this world to be this blissfully stupid. to go about my life in a constant state of wonderment because i am fucking retarded