Major Ryan Fitzpatrick

The unofficial twitter account of quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick, undeniable leader of the Miami Sea Mammals.

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

My dearest Liza,

I was granted respite from battle and I took advantage. Although I am no longer commanding the need to rest my sidearm was much needed. I can now spend my days watching you render the children. I’ll be home soon.

Love like collard greens and lima beans,
Ryan

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

My dearest Liza,

I can indeed confirm this telegram to be truthful.

Goodnight Sweet Liza,
I love thee so.

[Daisey Charlotte @DaiseyWTSP]

I have a secret to share. The beloved @MajorRyanFitz was @MarkCook1970. We had so much fun with that. 🤭

[Liv @livpeppertaylor]

@MajorRyanFitz Ryan is my QB forever ❤️❤️❤️❤️ The offense was nowhere without him. 😢

[eL_TiMbO @impactplayerx47]

"Inaccurate at times but lively" killed me!!! 😂😂😂😂😂 smh lol

[Chase Culpepper @CulpepperChase]

A true legend much deserving of another major spot on a unit that will treat him with the respect he deserves

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

@JanineM06099262 Yes of course my dear Janine. I have a large supply of parchment paper and several pints of ink and my quill pen made from a south Florida ibis.

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

Dear Liza,

My heart is still in distress over the loss of command to Lt. Tua, but it was time. His side arm is superior to mine and his feet more nimble. Although the men do still love me dancing a jig as General Flores plays the mouth harp.

Love like an empty latrine,

Ryan

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

I am surprised that Gen. Jones from the Texas territory has not telegramed the New Orleans regiment to inquire about the services of Major Winston who is floundering as just a sideline holder of the weekly battle plan. He has quite the sidearm. Inaccurate at times but lively.

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

@JanineM06099262 I am tuning into this magic devil’s box and am quite surprised at how off Major Wentz’s side arm has looked. Of course his men aren’t doing a superior job with building a fortress and providing a line of defense against the renegade cow men from Texas.

[Janine @JanineM06099262]

@MajorRyanFitz If it was within my power, I’d bring you here to Philly. We could use you. I’m not a fan of Wentz. PS, love your beard!

[Dutch Johnson @lpdutchboy]

@MajorRyanFitz You’re much loved.

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

@JanineM06099262 Much love and thankful for your speedy well wishes

[Bryan Thornton @FlyinBryan14]

@MajorRyanFitz Relinquishing a command under honorable conditions and being support to that new commanding officer is way easier than being stripped of command and sent away from the frontlines and men that respect you!

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

@JennaLaineESPN If you are ready for a new partner Miss Laine, my Liza has rescued these and would be willing to barter one for a ham hock, a new corset or a tin of tobacco. She is partial to peach flavored snuff.

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

@CharlotteDaisey Thank you Miss Daisey. Perhaps on my next travels to Tampa town we could share a whisky drink and some fried manatee.

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

@torchia_ronald Much appreciated. I will do my best to fulfill your high hopes for success as we battle the enemy.

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

@FlyinBryan14 Most welcomed.

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

Dear Liza,

The coughing croup has been severe in our territory since spring and general Flores had us quarantined. I was afraid I had the dreaded devil’s virus, coughing uncontrollably for days. Fortunately I had only swallowed a beard hair in my marrow stew.

Enduring,
Ryan

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

Dear Liza,

The soldiers have been staying well and not affected by this respiratory dysentery for now. We will continue to shower at least once a week and try not to eat any food left in our beards or share spittoons.

Love like Anotonio Brown likes attention,

Ryan

[Major Ryan Fitzpatrick @MajorRyanFitz]

@PatDonovanRadio I respectfully disagree with you sir. Former Lt. Romo is a national treasure. His knowledge of battle plans far exceeded his ability to execute them however. Perhaps his expertise sails above your comprehension.