Sam Smedley

The Major is ready to fire his weapon of satire! Who will be his next target?!

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

As talk of a pact between #Reform UK & #Restore Britain emerges, Rupert Lowe is asked if the proposed deal means journalists will only have to ask one awkward question instead of two such as 'Was that cigar made in a foreign country?'

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

In #Spain, the removal of the barrier with #Gibraltar is celebrated by remote workers.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

The All #England Club denies rumours that the #Wimbledon tournament next year will trial orange balls for better visibility except in the mixed doubles where nobody cares who wins.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

#Russia's Vladimir Putin reportedly holds his latest meeting with ministers at a Moscow all you can eat buffet.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

Fears of a low turnout in today's #localelections are overturned as voters pile in to England's smallest polling station.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

As The Pope calls out world leaders for spending too much on wars, defence contractors reply that they respect the church & believe in the power of prayer to increase weapons sales.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

PM Keir Starmer is to issue a statement on the #Clapham disorder which is believed to have been triggered by rumours on tiktok that a new luxury flat development would include a members-only dog yoga studio.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

As the #USIranConflict continues, the US State Department assures its citizens in the #MiddleEast that if they cannot get #flights out there is a back up plan for transportation.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

The #Labour #Government has ditched plans to delay 30 council #elections. Sources say the delay was scrapped after someone pointed out the UK already has a tradition of things not running on time.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

Following the announcement that BBC #Director General Tim Davie will leave his post in April, rumours circulate about who might be a successor to ring the changes.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

The new #NATO presence in #Greenland is classified as “strategic”, mostly because someone needs to guard the hot #chocolate.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

As the UK junk food online #advertising ban comes into force, PepsiCo (the company behind Doritos) is blackmailed as crooks publish unlawful material & demand #payment for removing it.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

The #Afghan men who wore #PeakyBlinders outfits were advised by the #Taliban's Morality #Police that their flat caps were tilted at a morally suspicious angle, the long coats could be hiding a multitude of sins & that Western #criminal chic would not be tolerated.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

Kemi Badenoch promises historic #benefits cuts if the #Conservatives win the next #election with historians concurring that the cuts would be #historic or put another way, very Dickensian.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

Elon Musk gets a #Tesla pay deal that is out of this world which is a coincidence as that's where he's headed.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

As major challenges remain over the police response to #grooming gangs, a Home Office spokesperson explains that #police forces did not want to be perceived as #racist & preferred to be perceived as incompetent instead.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

Customs officers in #China seize maps that show Taiwan as an independent nation as the #Taiwanese Government retaliates by asking #Chinese officials if they would like any help in running democratic elections?

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

Keir Starmer claims the new #DigitalIdentity process will be so efficient, it will verify who you are, #track your movements and lose all your #data in a single click.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

After the #Courts of Justice #streetart is partly removed, #Banksy is arrested for #criminaldamage and his identity is revealed.

[Sam Smedley @MajorSatire]

#Ukraine's President #Zelensky tries out the latest weapon supplied by the US Department of Defense - The Putinsoother.