Malcolm Strasdin

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

Cole Hadley got a nice new shirt from Walmart. Honestly looked really good on him. I'm starting to think that he isn't as much of an overhand jorker as I thought he was. Really reevaluating some of my earlier tweets. He is alright some of the time.

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

Imagine how much a movie can be altered by having the same premise as Ratatouille. Like for example Tim Allen in Santa Clause but he's just being controlled by a fucking rat! Like he's learning all these valuable lessons but it's actually just a fucking rat in his Santa hat lol

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

You're in her dms.. I'm starting arguments in the comment section of ritzcrackerscanada instagram ads.
You have no fucking idea what I'm capable of.

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

When those Sydney Sweeney dress photos were posted I literally saw Cole Hadley clap his hands and his feet together at the same time.

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

I know I said I wouldn't explain myself, but I'm starting to feel really bad about that mean Kelly Clarkson tweet. I just heard that "because of you" song on the radio and remembered being very mad at how long that song was on the much music top 40. What a whiny ass song.

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

Kelly Clarkson is one of those celebrities that seems to have the perfect career. Not a single blemish on her reputation in the public eye, a real "girls girl" it seems. But I just fucking hate her and I shouldn't have to explain myself.

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

I'm thankful for my girlfriend, but it's so fucking hard to keep a Pickle wet in this house.

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

One time Jeff Oman asked for my secret hummus recipe and I said no.. but like the sneaky little salmon he is, he called my mom and got it from her. I never forgot about that so now I'm going to steal his secret corn beef hash recipe and also potentially fuck his mom.

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

If Cole Hadley had a piss fetish, that would be like the most normal thing about that weird little fucker. He reminds me of a sea lion, and if you know the first thing about me, it's that I fucking hate sea lions so much. Arf arf you fucking ocean clown.

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

If I want pictures of Vince 9 months pregnant, chatgpt should NOT be restricting it. What the fuck gives them the right to say it violates their terms. It's within my fucking terms to see some PREGNANT VINCE PICTURES FOR FUCK SAKES!

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

Happy wife, happy life!
Sad wife.... No head :(

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

Cole Hadley's favourite movie is "Malibu's Most Wanted" starring Jamie Kennedy.. what a fucking loser, like actually fuuuuck Cole Hadley

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

Some people regret what they do when they are drunk.. this last weekend I blacked out and dm'd Dave Kelly from the 90's Saturday morning cartoon segment to wish him well and tell him how much I miss him.. I need to work on my drinking but atleast when I'm blackout I mean well.

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

If @arkellsmusic doesn't play "never thought that this would happen" tonight I'm going to eat a whole jar of catfish stink bait and lose an argument to myself in the mirror later on

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

@ErinMichelleM Are you yucking my yum rn?!

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

In my bed on all fours, straight JORKIN IT to Ana de Armas smile compilations bucking my legs out like a wild bronco

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

I have this problem where every time I get dummy dick wasted I keep adding my Uber drivers on instagram.. I'm the final boss of yappers.

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

@dakota2424 You have NO IDEA what you're talking about. Clay wouldn't stand for this type of misinformation!!

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

I'm still absolutely rattled that Clay Aiken won over Ruben studdard on American Idol in 2003. It just doesn't sit right with me.

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

@MelikianMo36745 Literally fake news, anyone can edit a wikipedia page

[Malcolm Strasdin @MalcolmStrasdin]

If Lina's Italian market was a pillow, it would be the cool side of a silk pillow (probably feathered) and I would shave my beard off just to feel that pillow as close to my skin as possible. I wouldn't take that pillow on road trips.. Just a little treat for when I'm back home.