Male Humour™

Pregnancy? Try getting hit in the balls.We #FollowBack

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

The best conversations happen late at night.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

We should all be thankful for Facebook & Twitter. The way gas prices are headed, we never actually SEE our friends again.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

100% done with this work week, and it's only Monday.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where I can return Monday.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

When I was a kid, sticking out your tongue was the equivalent of giving the middle finger.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

The problem with Mondays is that they exist.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

...and then God said "Fuck Monday" and created coffee.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

If there's one thing I've learned from Xbox live it's that a lot of 12 year old's have "slept with my mom."

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a great example.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

Am I apart of the Republican or Democratic party? The hell you talkin bout, I'm a member of the Friday night party.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

Wife meets the family, hoes meet the team.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

Don't ever text me with a boring ass conversation....Wasting my unlimited texting and shit.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

Oh you dated another douche bag and he screwed you over?? How fucking shocking.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

Your favourite number is always gonna be the number on that jersey of that sport you kicked ass in and loved so much.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

Bitches always be trippin..

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

Girls who enjoy drinking beer >

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

If you don't use your turn signal, I automatically assume you're a douche bag in every other aspect of your life.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

A morning text doesn't only mean "good morning". It also means "I think about you when I wake up."

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

Don't ever interrupt a man while he's taking a shit.

[Male Humour™ @MalePains_]

Don't smoke cigarettes, there are way cooler ways to die.