Customer Announcements

here to improve your #shopping experience. operated by @evilpostmaker

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

customers are reminded that throwing coins into the plaza fountain achieves nothing. your wishes will not be answered, the gods are indifferent to your suffering

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

repairs are set to take place on floor 872 after the Flesh Incident

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

what if we kissed in the mall?

it is forbidden

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

CUSTOMER UPDATE: all rival commercial businesses have been eliminated, we are proud to be your only choice in #shopping destinations

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

complaints that the Mall is 'endless' or 'the horizon is a myth' are also exaggerated. the Mall is as big as it needs to be

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

please do not use the vents to try and escape the Mall. you will only find yourself back where you started

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

you can't put a price on life, but you can put a price on death, thanks to our brand new in-store bounty system

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

the mall is never closed. the mall is never open

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

sensing your hatred of retail architecture, the mall foyer attacks mercilessly

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

if you hear any kind of music other than soft jazz while #shopping. that is boss music, get ready

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

we apologise for any inconvenience caused by the carnivorous escalators

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

attention #shoppers: you will experience Evil soon

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

a portion of the apple geniuses team has gone rogue, #shoppers be advised

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

@kimposterbility we're glad you're enjoying your #shopping experience! please ensure you never stop

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

those with Super Shopper status can enjoy three different flavours of nutrient paste at the food court!

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

Mall beasts cannot be tamed. the Mall is not responsible for injury caused by Mall beasts

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

for ease of access, please make use of the numerous Mall Tunnels installed for your convenience. if you're lucky, you'll get to see a wild Mall beast!

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

shoplifting is punishable by Exile

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

shoppers that spend $1000 or more are eligible for Ascension

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

the food court is now serving MEAT CHUNKS.

[Customer Announcements @MallPASystem]

today on #shopper questions: 'why can't we leave the mall? please let us outside.'

why would you want to leave? there's nothing out there. the mall provides for you, all it asks in return is your patronage