Mallrat

Always be the person your dog thinks you are.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

Back in my day, pranking someone just meant you got them to hold their tongue and say "olive juice". Or if you dared, there was a risque one which involved spelling "cup".

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

I don’t know if it’s an attempt to purposefully distract the American public but I’m seeing a whole lot of Halloween advertisements in THE MIDDLE OF JULY!

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

I couldn't think of what to call something I wrote down that wasn't in cursive so I went with analog.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

@MSNOWNews has my full support!

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

There are a few words in the English language that are spelled exactly how they should be. Diarrhea is one.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

@jerrysandersRTR Casa > Mama and Archibald’s > Dreamland

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

@JohnSayBear Give Shrinking, Pluribus, Sticks, and Silo a shot as well. Yeah, I need to probably watch The Studio too. Thank you for reminding me.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

@20th_Centurygal Uncle L.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

@flatland_sports This just in… The SEC accounted for 8 of the top 10 viewed games last season. Insiders stating The SEC is being vastly underpaid. More at 11.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

I have now hit the age where I’m aggressively looking at buying a Kangol.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

I don't think I've seen a Swiss Army Knife in 20+ years.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

I hate it when someone tells me that's not how you spell a word. It's EXACTLY how I spell the word. I'm the one that wrote it...

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

@colecubelic Also, Earth is round. Jury is still out on Moon landing.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

Wish I looked "shower tan" in regular life too.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

Thank you morning shower sinus rinse for finishing the job SIX HOURS LATER when I bent over to tie my shoe in front of other people.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

The key to a healthy relationship is waiting for that first snore before commencing nocturnal emissions.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

I hate that "szn" is a thing now.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

Few things are as frustrating as the moment you realize you messed up somewhere in a sudoku.

[Mallrat @Mallrat1973]

I’m so tired that by 9 o’clock I hope my electric blanket timer can make it to the alarm I set.