My Mama Told Me

My Mom says a lot of weird nonsense things. I try to remember them.

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

"Do you have fat calves? Your boots look funny."

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

Your phone smells.

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

"Are you upset because I brought up abortion?"

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

I don't trust people who dislike the color yellow

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

"You're wearing way too much eyeliner." -to her daughter after being in the emergency room for 8 hours

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

"It must be like a fuckfest every single day" -describing city traffic

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

"Every time you turn around there's fucking cancer somewhere."

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

"You're a hot mess!" "..." "What?! That's a good thing!!!"

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

"Charlie your breath smells like shit."

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

"You can't get blood out of a rock."

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

"TMQ. Too many questions."

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

"It's going to take me a while to process this." -After she watched the #HouseOfCards episode where Underwood kills Zoe

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

#pultbill

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

Guy excited about his girlfriend coming to town: "I'm pumped, man!"
Mom: "Pumped or humped?"

[My Mama Told Me @MamaWords]

"No wonder people in this country get shot" -After someone tried to cut her off