Mama's Bananas

Mother of One. Master of None.

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

Me: If someone has a Bachelors degree then what would their next higher degree be called?

Her: A Bachelorette.

Me:

#Bachelor #AcademicChatter

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

Reporter: Will President Trump be attending President Biden's inauguration?

Press Secretary: Yes. He will indeed be attending his own inauguration.

#President #InaugurationDay2021

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

So if Trump loses the recount, that means he won twice 🤔, right?

#BidenWonDay #2020PresidentialElection #AmericaDecides #CallTheElection

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

Giuliani: We need to hold a major press conference on your premises.

Owner Four Seasons Total Landscaping: Sure. You can find us between the crematorium and the adult store.

#fourseasonstotallandscaping
#BidenHarris2020

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

Me: All of a sudden the child spoke politely to her mother. Before long the child was speaking kindly whenever she spoke. Unfortunately the mother had grown old hearing sass for years and died.
(Explaining Fronted Adverbials & Expressing Displeasure Simultaneously)
#grammar #sass

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

8: How long does a baby stay in the tummy?
Me: About 9 months.
8: Then they have to come out?
Me: Some are premature and come out earlier.
8: So... they're undercooked.
Me:
#bakeoff #baby #explainer

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

Empathy (def): Feeling deeply for Mike Pence in the same way a parent does for oneself before engaging in debate about tonight's bedtime with one's child.
#KamalaHarris

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

Me (comes across new word): Deja Vu is having a feeling that something similar has occurred before.

8: So this is similar to when you told me what Deja Vu was last year?

#parenting #WordOfTheDay #DejaVu

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

8: What are ovaries?
Me: They hold eggs.
8: What happens to the eggs?
Me: They get released one at a time by our bodies.
8: Do we sit like chickens to lay them?

#bodylanguage @Always @Tampax

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

Middle age: The years when you fearlessly stuff a 7kg load in a 6kg washer,

or

wear just one glove to the supermarket.

Middle age: The best years of your life spent living on the edge of reason.

#COVID19
#oldschool

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

Does it feel like #JoeBiden is holding off announcing his running mate because he has a winning hand?

Feels an awful lot like...

#MichelleObama

is on the cards.

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

@NJLahori Nadia, what has happened in the past few cases that have made it to the media in Pakistan? Have the perpetrators been tried and punished by law? The furore dies out and there seems no end to the matter.

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

@jk_rowling #transforRowling
#jk_rowling #FreedomOfSpeech #LetsTalk #acceptance #Coexisting

J.K. ROWLING AND THE GAUNTLET OF FIRE (read and make peace).
https://t.co/lEHPQJq93y

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

https://t.co/BpmqISZRpS

#schoolreopening #mondaythoughts #homeschooling #parentinginapandemic #teacherlife

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

#book #BookReview #wholetthegodsout @MaryAliceEvans
#kidlit #BedtimeStories

https://t.co/DFUgSk3BnS

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

My kid spends her life peeking into my WhatsApp, iMessages, Mailbox and Call Alerts.

8 (about to start a WebEx meeting): Make sure you close your door so you don't hear anything.

#zoom #webex #onlineclasses

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

(Watching cheese being melted in beer).

8: Kids can't have that, it's alcohol. Not without an alcohol licence! How old do you have to be to get one?

Me: You have to be an adult.

8: So...13?

Me:

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

A mother's management experience is invaluable in child rearing.

For instance, being able to write a professional email to the school about resigning from teaching my kid.

#schoolreopening #Homeschooling2020
#huffpostparents
#ParentingInAPandemic
#Parenthood

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

(Stares in deep thought at her reflection).

8: Can I ask you something?

Me: Anything.

8: Have you ever named your eyebrows?

Me:

#parenting #QuestionOfTheDay

[Mama's Bananas @Mamas_Bananas]

Me: When you read a new word associate it with someone or something to retain its meaning.

8: I learned 'geriatric' today.

Me: Who did you associate it with?

8: You.

#parenting