at some point, you have to stop choosing them if they're not choosing you. you have to stop putting in effort, your availability, your time and compassion, because you get absolutely nothing in return. i cannot keep bleeding myself dry for the same person who stabbed me.
Trauma bonds are wild. How do I crave the same person who hurt me? One minute I’m ready to expose them, block them, disappear, and go no contact… and the next, all I want is for them to hold me like none of it ever happened.
i don’t know where to begin, because there are so many words I’ve carried for so longwords I never found the courage to give you.
You were never just a person in my life. You became a part of my days, my thoughts, my silences. In moments of happiness, you were the first name my heart whispered. In moments of pain, you were the comfort I searched for, even when you weren’t there.
There are things I wish I had said out loud how much your presence mattered, how safe I felt just knowing you existed somewhere in this world. I wish I could tell you that you changed me, softly, unknowingly, forever.
Maybe you’ll never read this. Maybe you’ll never know the place you hold in my life. But I needed to write it, for myself. To let these words breathe. To accept that some feelings don’t need answers, endings, or explanations.
You are, and always will be, the most important person in my life whether close or distant, present or just a memory I carry with care.
When you hurt someone and maintain a relationship with that person, they may bring it up again. They may need more clarity. Even if you have apologized, they may bring it up. And when that happens, it is on YOU to be patient and have a discussion about it. If you hurt that person, it's not up to you to tell them when and how to heal. If you are truly sorry and care about them, you gotta deal with those uncomfortable feelings about how they're still hurting over something. These are the consequences of your actions.