Maranda Haney

Expensive Boots, Patty Loveless, a Good Crisp Morning. Snapchat: marandahaney

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

This is not a political statement but could we trade like 5 hardworking illegals for 200 never worked a day in their lives on disability for chronic knee pain men?

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

If you have 10 cows and 4 goats, I don’t care about a Facebook page of your homestead.

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

Spring, if rain isn’t hitting your window then bugs by the thousands are.

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

Ok your valentine might have disappointed you but I haven’t received an email about Zach Bryan tickets yet.

[National Park Service @NatlParkService]

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

Halloween is approaching and I think it’s important to understand no one is going to willingly give your child their drug candy. #DontKissMyBaby

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

LPN starting rate- $18. Wayne Farms line $18.75. #merica

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

Flu is not a medical emergency for healthy young ppl experiencing non life threatening symptoms.

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

Do you ever look at a guy and think, I bet he drives a white z71?

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

Maurice’s is the Long John Silvers of clothing stores. Who still shops there?

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

Are you really from yell co if you don’t get a call from your neighbor telling you the crackhead down the road is getting out of the pen? #WelcomeHome #Again

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

Am I the only one that cried at the end of Sling Blade?

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

Do people still buy Hummers because they like Hummers?

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

Made it to 11am before the first family altercation was called out over the scanner. Ahhh tis the season!

[NotKennyRogers @NotKennyRogers]

Special prayers for all the dads out there with daughters coming home from college for Thanksgiving tomorrow with their new vegetarian boyfriend Garrett who's wearing two masks, thinks football promotes toxic masculinity, and has a Kamala/Buttigieg 2024 sticker on his Prius.

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

I thought my mother would grow out of rearranging the furniture every 30 days. She hasn’t. What childhood trauma causes such recklessness?

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

If you love somebody enough, then you’ll go where your heart wants to go, that’s how I got to Memphis.

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

Why do some old men pronounce coffee with an L? “Imma get me a cup of colffee”

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

Others getting engaged while I eat sams club sushi rolls. Who is better off? Tough to say.

[Maranda Haney @MarandaHaney]

That my friends is what you call frost on the pumpkin.