Matt

C9 Fanboy - 21

[FLY Gryffinn @gryffinn]

I received some shocking news this week.

I tested positive for gonorrhea.

The doctor told me I can’t fuck anyone for 2 weeks.

Unfortunately, I will not be able to follow the doctor’s orders since we play against TL tomorrow.

[GUCCE @gucceCU]

Bro😭😭😭😭

[Sergio Rabinal @S_Rabinal]

Game 3: The Return of the Jedi

[Underdog @Underdog]

Trade summary:

Pittsburgh Zoo gets 33 year-old Little Joe the Silverback

Franklin Park Zoo gets 7 year-old Frankie the western lowland gorilla

Boston looks to rebuild with a young core

[AT @BaseballWRLD_]

Pittsburgh traded one of the top prospects in the Animal Kingdom for an aging star way past his prime with an underwater contract 💀💀💀

SELL THE ZOO

[florence 🦐🏳️‍🌈 @morallawwithin]

If you want to learn the truth, simply find out what people in Massachusetts believe

[Matt @MarthuhB]

@JoshReynolds24 Nah this some midoriama shit what

[Sam Block @theblockspot]

LeBron:
• 27 PTS (12-17 FG, 3-6 3PT)

SGA:
• 18 PTS, 7 TO

LeBron’s co-star:
• 8 PTS (3-16 FG, 0-5 3PT), 4 TO

SGA’s co-star:
• 24 PTS, 12 REB, 3 BLK, 0 TO

This loss ain’t on LeBron James.

[Matt @MarthuhB]

@agupta Bro traffic is already bad enough 😭

[Dallas Mavericks @dallasmavs]

King of his class.

#MFFLAGG

[Matt @MarthuhB]

@lissmx14 @Nerd_Sesh best unbiased nba commentary

[Jathin Pranav Singaraju @jpsingaraju]

AN OPEN LETTER OF APOLOGY TO MR. LEBRON RAYMONE JAMES
——

Dear LeBron,

I come before you today not as a fan, not as a hater, but as a sinner seeking absolution from the only man in recorded history who has ever beaten Father Time in a game of one-on-one, talked trash during it, and then signed Father Time's jersey afterward.

I have wronged you, King. I have wronged you grievously. I have wronged you in group chats. I have wronged you in comment sections. I have wronged you in front of friends, that "he's not even top 5 anymore" and I watched the light leave their eyes. I have carried that sin for months.

Because tonight I witnessed a SPECTACLE. Tonight I witnessed a MARVEL. Tonight I witnessed a 41-year-old man, in his 23rd professional season, in a league full of genetic freaks who were in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL when he was already an All-Star, casually stroll into Toyota Center and remind an entire generation that the throne was never vacant, we were just looking at the wrong chair.

I was a doubter. Say it with me. I. Was. A. Doubter. I said "the minutes are down." I said "the burst isn't there." I said "he's a compiler now" as if compiling 40,000 points is something you can do by accident, as if I could compile a grocery list without forgetting the eggs. I watched this man drop 19-8-13 in Game 1 with EIGHT assists in the FIRST QUARTER and I said "yeah but can he score?" I watched him go 28-8-7 in Game 2, strangle Kevin Durant to three second-half points, get to the line 14 times, throw down a two-handed dunk with 55 seconds left to seal it, and become THE ONLY PLAYER OVER 40 TO LEAD A PLAYOFF RUN IN POINTS, REBOUNDS, AND ASSISTS; and I, a clown, a fool, a man with functioning eyeballs and a functioning brain refusing to speak to each other. I said "let's see Game 3."

Well. I saw Game 3.

Let's talk about the last 26 seconds. Let's sit with the last 26 seconds. Let's LIVE in the last 26 seconds, because I will be living there, rent-free, for the remainder of my natural life.

They were up SIX. Six points. In TWENTY-SIX seconds. That is a possession and change. That is a timeout and a commercial break. That is the window between "I should order food" and "never mind I'll just eat cereal." Toyota Center was SHAKING. The crowd was on its feet. The Rockets bench was already doing that little celebratory bounce, that premature bounce, that bounce that says "we got it." Somewhere in Houston, a man was pulling a Bud Light out of the fridge. Somewhere in Houston, a woman was texting her husband "told you." Somewhere in Houston, a child was being lifted onto his father's shoulders. The building was BOOKED. The building was CLOSED. The building was, as far as every person in it was concerned, a W.

And then LeBron looked at the scoreboard.

And then LeBron looked at the clock.

And then LeBron decided, in what I can only describe as a cosmic, galaxy-brain, Men-in-Black-neuralyzer moment, that this was not going to be how the evening ended for any of us.

What followed was not basketball. It was an exorcism. It was a man methodically walking through a haunted house turning off the lights one by one. Steal. Three. Somewhere in there a pass so audacious I started shaking in a hot room. The Toyota Center crowd went from LOUDEST BUILDING IN AMERICA to a library to a funeral to one of those silent monasteries where monks take a vow and only communicate through bells. You could hear the HVAC system. You could hear a Rockets fan, three rows up, whisper "no." You could hear the ghost of Hakeem Olajuwon apologize to the city on LeBron's behalf.

Twenty-six seconds. SIX POINTS. He did not close the gap. He did not tie the game. He OPENED the gap in the other direction. He took the Rockets' lead, folded it in half, folded it in half again, and put it in his pocket like a receipt he might need for taxes. The scoreboard operator had to Ctrl+Z his entire career. The broadcast director cut to Austin Reaves on the bench and Austin Reaves had the face of a man who has just seen God and is slightly annoyed he didn't get a heads up.

I watched it happen. I watched it happen LIVE. I have to be honest with you, I have to be honest with myself, I have to be honest with the NBA league office, the Basketball Hall of Fame, and God Almighty: I am not okay. I have not been okay since he hit the three. Archaeologists will one day unearth my twitter post and carbon-date it to "the night LeBron did the thing."

Six points. Twenty-six seconds. A team, a building, a city, a narrative: dismantled. Not beaten. DISMANTLED. Taken apart piece by piece like IKEA furniture in reverse. The Rockets did not lose that game. They were disassembled on live television and shipped back to the warehouse with a note that said "return to sender, 41-year-old in aisle."

So here, formally, in writing, with my full legal name attached and a witness present, is my apology:

I, Jathin Pranav Singaraju, of sound mind and recently shattered worldview, do hereby and forever APOLOGIZE to LeBron Raymone James Sr. for every slanderous, disrespectful, hot-taking, podcast-brained, Twitter-poisoned, bad-faith, Jordan-stan-adjacent, ring-culture-addled, "he had help," "he left Cleveland," "he left Cleveland again," "the Heatles," "the block was a travel," "Kawhi did it with less," "MJ went 6-0," "but the 73-win Warriors," "but the 3-1 lead," "but load management," "but the minutes restriction," "but the Lakers are a play-in team," "but he can't close anymore," "but he's a regular season guy now," "but but but" — take that I have ever uttered, thought, liked, retweeted, or silently agreed with in my heart.

I renounce them. All of them. I renounce them in this life and, should the technology become available, the next.

I will never doubt you again. Not in this series. Not in this playoff run. Not in this career. Not in any GOAT debate, at any bar, in any group chat, at any wedding, at any funeral, at any deposition. If you come back next year at 42 averaging a 30-point triple-double I will not be surprised. If you come back at 45 coaching yourself I will not be surprised. If you are inducted into the Hall of Fame and then UN-inducted because you are somehow still playing I will not be surprised. If you erase a six-point deficit in twenty-six seconds again next week, on a Tuesday, against a random team, for no reason, just to remind us. I will not be surprised. The bar is on the floor. The bar is underground. The bar is in the Mariana Trench. The bar has achieved enlightenment and moved on.

I am sorry, King. I am so, so sorry. I was wrong. The throne was never empty.

Long live the King.

[Matt @MarthuhB]

@_sorrengailll @Apple Get an alarm clock bro

[RJupiter @RJupiter7]

🚨Stan Lee interview in August 2009:

"There's a phenomenal series I've been reading called One Piece, i predict it will be one of the biggest series in the west in the future, it will have a massive impact in the world" 🤔

[Only In Boston @OnlyInBOS]

Boston is about to have the most chaotic 24 hours of sports imaginable:

1PM - Sixers vs. Celtics (Game 1)
4:35PM - Tigers vs. Red Sox
7:30PM - Bruins vs. Sabres (Game 1)

Then wake up to:
9:06AM - Boston Marathon
11:10AM - Red Sox again

No city does it like this.

[Aurora @AuroraMaqui]

Sex is great and all but have you ever sat in a dark room for 8 hours binging one piece?

[Clash of Clans @ClashofClans]

FUNNEL EXPANSION!

#jjk #ClashOfClans

[Imagine Dragons @Imaginedragons]

the capture the flag shooter @playlastflag that Mac and Dan started almost five years ago is out TODAY. play it on Steam or Epic...

[Jake Lucky @JakeSucky]

I AM GIVING AWAY 50 KEYS for Last Flag, the 5v5 Capture The Flag Shooter releasing tomorrow

Just Like, RT, and Reply with a friend you'd play it with. Good Luck