john martin

Skilled baller, part time comedian, knucklehead

[john martin @MartinJohny]

Just made my diabetic mum a tea with sugar instead of sweetener, I've never felt so alive.

[john martin @MartinJohny]

@David_Cameron It's about time we had a politician that was from the streets. #YouAintNoMuslimBruv #fistbump

[john martin @MartinJohny]

@Jack_zielinski @EASPORTSFIFA I need answers! I don't mind losing as long as I'm treated within the rules which I haven't been.

[john martin @MartinJohny]

Now our internet history can be seen I just wanna say, never have I ever clicked on 'bubble butts' intentionally....stupid pop up ads.

[john martin @MartinJohny]

@CtidMark give it him you monster!

[john martin @MartinJohny]

Flipped off every Volkswagen car driver on the way home today. That's what they get for killing my polar bears.

[john martin @MartinJohny]

@David_Cameron These beastiality rumours true or what?

[john martin @MartinJohny]

Can women be funny? #AskTrump

[john martin @MartinJohny]

You would of thought Cinderella would of called the NSPCC long before the ball.

[john martin @MartinJohny]

"Hey kid tell your mum I think she's hot"

*me at ropewalk*

[john martin @MartinJohny]

Why does this spider look shocked and horrified I'm taking his picture? #spider #suprise #selfie

[john martin @MartinJohny]

While I appreciate the wolf whistle from the teenagers at the bus stop, I can't help but think it wasn't sincere.

[john martin @MartinJohny]

Just tried to kill a spider with hairspray.... it's now stole my phone and uploading selfies to Instagram.

[جسار العمري @Jassar_80]

i was in the park, combing my beard & skateboard punk yolo teens stole my wolf medallion & fannypack full of peanut butter. I AM VERY LIVID

[john martin @MartinJohny]

Need to hit @pipehitterz up soon get some more ink! I ain't having kids out bad ass me

[john martin @MartinJohny]

@KateUpton I can be your hero baby....I can kiss away the pain.......since you asked

[john martin @MartinJohny]

Me: Mum if I microwave my hand you reckon it will be super massive and strong like hellboy's?

Mum:.......you're banned from the microwave.

[john martin @MartinJohny]

First 911 and now this, when will the hate end @POTUS....... #CaitlynJenner #911 #hatecrime

[john martin @MartinJohny]

Decided to ditch my charity wristbands like a big grown up, on the plus side I can knock one out 12.5 seconds faster.