Marty Fields

Comic, MC, musician, actor, radio guy, dad and animal activist. Comes with 12 month warranty.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

If David Bowie songs were realistic:
MAJOR TOM: Tell my wife I love her very much…
GROUND CONTROL: She knows.
MAJOR TOM: Wait… Is she with you now?
GROUND CONTROL: Goodbye, Tom.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

Clever.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

What’s amazing for me is the stark contrast between this dog bath experience and the ones at our place.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

Thoughts?

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

I’m gonna be first in the boarding queue or else!

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

There are ripped jeans and then there’s these.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

Funny.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

Spldfr Man. Excellent.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

Such a good guess.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

@Updated_Jennie Jaws 2

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

Hmm, from what we can see from over here, no they’re not, no it isn’t, no it isn’t, no it isn’t, no it isn’t, no it isn’t and no they’re not.
Hopefully that clears up a couple of minor queries.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

Oh my god yes

[chiky handler @chiky_handlr]

The first reporter who fires back at Trump’s “You’re a terrible reporter” with “You’re a terrible president” deserves a Pulitzer on the spot.

Raise your hand if you agree ✋.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

@lostonabikeOz @RepJackKimble Times a thousand

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

@Gizmologist_ Please don’t confuse weather with climate.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

The bureau of meteorology has just sent out a warning saying the weather is “stinky poo poo”.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

A scene from Flying Doctors where dad (Vic) was missing mum (Nancy) who was away visiting her sister in hospital interstate. (Mum was actually in hospital)

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

@gomichild Nice

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

@Peter_Fitz It’s just vomit.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

@call_me_tomasso Stollen? Cute.

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

@MisyDP @james_spir19274 Where else would you expect saltwater crocodiles than in the sea?

[Marty Fields @Martyfields]

@JamesTate121 Bless