Mary Goldstein

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

@OmgAlex Agreed

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

@FIERCEDAD Damn shame…they were meant to live for so much more

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

Why do I feel like I could conquer the world at 2am but can’t even complete a simple task during the day?

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

@OmgAlex No bc if it were me I would have offed myself

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

On the next episode of Snapped: “Mary lives with a cat in heat….”

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

You know that feeling…when you feel as if you are racing the sun?

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

@p0ckethamster DED

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

Death, taxes, and burning your mouth on a hot pocket.

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

Brain- “Omg that’s a brilliant tweet hold on to it…hold on to it”
(Ascends the stairs)(sits down)

Me- “ohh…fuck!!”

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

Damn, it amazes me how all the characters in Ozark manage to get so much done in a day. Meanwhile, I can only manage to do laundry or make it to the bank and I’m exhausted. Something to strive for…
#Ozark #JasonBateman

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

Where my Dimetapp fans at?!

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

@FIERCEDAD Yes! Maybe my favorite act I saw at Desert Daze 2018. I watched from the press pit for half their set before security realized I shouldn’t be there haha

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

My drag name according to @RexHennessey is “Mz. Shrimp D’Vayne”

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

I’m hearing the next stimulus package will include 5 drink tickets...

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

...And here I was thinking James Corden was gay the whole time!!!

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

We made a thing! #KeanuReeves #Quarantine #tapdance #rollerskating
John Wick 7: Quarabellum https://t.co/6J2A2vLW4j via @YouTube

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

If anyone is looking for a little lighthearted fun...look no further

[. @RexHennessey]

what is John Wick up to in lockdown? @MaryGoldstein @DontGomezWithMe & I had an idea... John Wick 7: Quarabellum https://t.co/rzzg9SG6b8 via @YouTube #johnwick #keanureeves #imthinkingimback #tapdance #rollerskating #covid_19 #yogaeverydamnday

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

Asking for more iCloud storage for Christmas

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

Hungover on Thanksgiving Day: A Memoir

[Mary Goldstein @MaryGoldstein]

@magicalbody @LuxePosh Damn I need that