mary arndt

U better hold on tight spider monkey

[mary arndt @MaryPerson]

Me trying to figure out if I ever actually want to be pregnant again https://t.co/9EncxRin7F

[Cartoons Hate Her! @CartoonsHateHer]

Why couldn’t Sabrina Carpenter have done this for her album cover

[Alistair's Great Tweets @YesitsAlistair]

Forget about non binary, her Oscar should be non existent!

[Zack Voell @zackvoell]

My brother is not enjoying this

[mary arndt @MaryPerson]

How it feels to be a Whitney apologist on the internet #TheSecretLivesOfMormonWives

[trash jones @jzux]

protein popcorn protein pop tart protein pancake. someone take me out back behind the protein barn and shoot me w a protein rifle

[gay bart @quinntonpark]

lots of classic girls style name humor in this one

[liz @thefinalegirl]

couldn’t pinpoint just one if my life depended on it but this is kinda the monologue of all time

[🌲dam 🇵🇸 @adambyrne_]

may god have mercy on us all

[Joey Hannum @joeyhannum]

Me talking about Democrats winning state Supreme Court races

[jay @kendallhosseini]

kendall roy would tweet this on a tuesday afternoon

[Maia @maiamindel]

variety last week: jonathan majors is REALLY sorry that he physically abused all of his girlfriends for the last decade. isn't it time he gets to be a millionaire celebrity who wins major awards?

variety this week: this gen z crone thinks she's so good, having political beliefs

[sonya 💖 @sonyashea3]

me when i’m trying to find a legitimate excuse to bother my boyfriend at work: uhhhh i want to talk to his boss

[limp brittzkit @Brittymigs]

that atlantic writer getting added to the text

[derek guy @dieworkwear]

me reading national security secrets bc i've been accidentally added to a group chat

[Tina Smith @SenTinaSmith]

Circling back on this…

[Liz Charboneau @lizchar]

Pete Hegseth after sending war plans to a reporter

[Maren C @_mamaren]

Again: The USPS is REQUIRED to deliver to EVERY. SINGLE. ADDRESS in the United States. They have someone ride into the Grand Canyon ON A MULE to deliver mail to people who live at the bottom of the canyon. They are not meant to be profitable. They are meant to serve US citizens.

[largest rodent @capybaroness]

they can rate it whatever they want as long as i never have to see this trailer again

[demi adejuyigbe @electrolemon]

Karla Sofia Gascon walking onto the Oscars red carpet

[Stacy Cay @stacycay]

Worms for me but not for thee