Massive Smashers

The Official Twitter of the Monkey League's Massive Smashers

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

BREAKING: After meeting with the first national holy saint of Dilly, LeBron James, Commissioner Eggbert has given permission to name the Massive Smashers’ new arena in Dillingham — LeBron James Arena.

[Gugga Bumbee @GuggaBumbee]

BREAKING: @MassiveSmashers have fired head coach Chicken Gabe.

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

We have signed Ert Kerkman to a 4 year 90 grillion extension! Also, #bummeralert, D6 title champion, Cecil Bud Digby is dead.

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

STE V Staff Signings!

Starting with our equipment manager, we welcome former winger, Bendable Stenson!

Next, replacing Dr. Harland Tuttlebell as team doctor, we welcome Dr. Bloosiff Cloopiss Oop!

Lastly, we our very proud to announce our new Head of Scouting, Babor Dillings!

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

That’s a wrap! 🙌 Thank you to everyone who made tonight’s 2nd Annual STE Awards possible! 🏆

Sorry to all those who came to see Lil Durz perform tonight. Unfortnately Fetty Dant was so horrible we blew up the stage before Lil Durz could attempt to follow that shit up.

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

We’re sorry to announce that our equipment manager, Phillip Springley, has gone missing and is presumed dead.

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

The Dillings have no plans to move on from H&H following the RLC’s 3-win season. Chauncey stated, “All 3 of us believe in them. We trust that they’ll turn this batch of rookies into a powerful force next season.”

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

We’d like to congratulate Lewis and his son Lilliam Habbersnatch on getting their old jobs back as General Manager and Head Coach of our Dillingham Massive Smashers RLC!

Welcome back, gentleman! 🎉

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

After last year’s assassination of Benson Boone, we were originally unable to find any artists who wanted to perform at the STE IV Awards at Dillingham Palace.

However, we are sort of proud to announce Lil Durz & Fetty Dant have agreed to risk their safety for the grand stage!

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

The Massive Smashers and Ass Blaster Sam are closing in on an 8-year deal worth $70 grillion with Dillingham.

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

@GuggaBumbee We’re hearing that Shump’s group consisted of Oogie Slug, Mammoth Jones, Bendable Stenson, Mard the Security Guard and possibly others.

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

Former #1 overall pick Heward Buckenhower has been defrosted from carbonite.

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

After given a shot in the recent Summer Tournament, Egg Thomas Jr. did not travel to Dillingham and was sent back to Bussey to captain the Bees until he is ready.

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

Guppy Feegans has been named our 18th captain of the era!

“For however long I have left, I will do my best to mentor the next captain to not be a fucking moron.” - Beeb

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

Update on Guppy ‘Beeb’ Feegans: After falling into a pit of giant peg flies and gullysnakes, Feegans’ body was left mangled. 202 of 206 bones are broken. Team doctors will begin reconstruction in the offseason.

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

Coach Hockey’s message to the team locker room before the season: “We believe in you. The solution is within this room. We believe all contracts will run their course.”

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

Hearing word that Fortbob Chudjug jumped off his balcony after hearing word he was being traded before the break. His torso has yet to be found. #FindFortbob

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

Bummer Alert: Our former equipment manager, Sheb Gibberson, has passed away. Goodbye, Shum.

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

Jam Irkley’s statement addressing his absence:

“I was in bad state. Mental. That little fuck from TSN yell at me. Ask why Jam give up so many breakaway again. I want to smash fucking skull in. So I leave. Now. I am return. With great, positive mindset.”

[Massive Smashers @MassiveSmashers]

Our former 2nd round pick, P. Mudd, was killed last night. It is believed that he attended a duel at the Bussey Colosseum and was hit by a stray arrow in the neck. He died slowly.

Thank you P. Mudd!