Maternal-Reads

Draws pregnant women.

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[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

Pulling the measuring tape that tight is going to make you lose a few inches, but I don't think she needs to hear that right now...

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

At least the costume had an open midsection, otherwise that would have been a REALLY tight fit.

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

Forgive her for giving in to her cravings, will you? It's not like she's pregnant ALL the time...

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

This is a scary October situation, right?

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

Maybe she should have gone to Germany and tried out some lederhosen instead?

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

Would you help carry her groceries?

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

Don't you dare ask how much she gained, she is a lady after all.

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

You only hate it 'cause you ain't it.

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

Wait, they can still be friends despite the... you know?

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

...Hope you married someone thirsty?

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

The B stands for butt. Is that an overused joke?

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

An overhead projector? What is this, the middle ages?

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

...But how would she get out of the pool with those in the way?

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

Wait, octuplets? Scratch that, it's uhh...

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

Don't you just hate it when it's your final month and suddenly realize you're having octuplets all along?

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

I just love your smile and your big, huge... earrings?

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

Elves just aren't as understanding of a mother's needs as humans are.

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

Who would you have preferred it happened to?

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

But... when she's standing on it how will she see what the scales say?

[Maternal-Reads @MaternalReads]

Would you still ask her to step on you knowing that she's 50 pounds heavier than nine months ago?