Matos

he/him | Gay | Programmer | VidyaGames | Anime | Photography | VR | Likes 18+ Content

Shy but DM Friendly

[Matos @MatosPrime]

@AnimeePost Makes me think "The best way to write 'female' characters is to write /people/ who have to deal with the realities of being 'female' - if that makes sense."

[Matos @MatosPrime]

@Kagekitsoon Just curious what vendor hall you will be in?

[Matos @MatosPrime]

@mohammedakunjee Like, honestly, how do you not mention cost of living and free time?

[Matos @MatosPrime]

@Kagekitsoon @The_Secret_Cave Well, this is now my #1 thing to grab at FWA

[Matos @MatosPrime]

*deep breath*
I really need to stop sad posting on here. I'm sorry to anyone I worried. I don't want that. I understand how you feel when I say this. Please understand, I appreciate it and I appreciate you. But this isn't the right forum and I need to internalize that.

[Matos @MatosPrime]

Ever wonder why you bother? It doesn't feel like it logically makes sense. With the lows as low as they are, I just honestly wonder if its worth trying at all. Hope feels sparse these days.

[Matos @MatosPrime]

And if you're like me and has anxiety in social situations - the lack of knowing what to even talk about, because "I did nothing for the past week" isn't the best conversation starter, just builds more anxiety.

[Matos @MatosPrime]

More with compounding depression. When you don't do things because you can't find the energy or will, when you ARE able you have less to go off of and its harder to start back up. Finally have the energy to play a game? Its been a while so you have to pick a new one. It adds up.

[Matos @MatosPrime]

@TheMG3D This is just a more realistic version of Mobile Game ads

[Matos @MatosPrime]

I think the hardest thing about depression is that the bad, anxious thoughts don't stop. You fight them, over and over, but eventually you falter. Eventually, there's a crack in your wall and they seep in.

[Matos @MatosPrime]

I wonder if anyone can resonate with the idea of knowing/feeling the difference between "myself" and "my self".

[Matos @MatosPrime]

So I'm left wondering if the person that I clung to for some semblance of meaning is gone, what's left? Why do anything? Why bother? Why stick around? Sleep.

[Matos @MatosPrime]

I'm tired of living in fear. I'm tired of knowing nothing I do matters. I'm tired of being constantly reminded what a failure I am. I'm tired of always not being good enough and not being able to do anything about it. I'm tired of not being able to handle anything. I'm tired.

[Matos @MatosPrime]

And I have to live with knowing I at least played a part in that.

[Matos @MatosPrime]

@DrAPearson @jules_su Schumer is the minority leader, also known as the party "whip". He is the one that is responsible for keeping the party members united in circumstances just like this. This is a failure of his office, even if you don't think that he was secretly complacent with the deserters.

[Matos @MatosPrime]

@cryptojacktack @I__HATE_SOCCER Yeah I'm not saying they wrote the scripts in a vacuum, but presenting them as "just actors" is entirely opposite of the truth. They, especially Adam, had a lot of power in the editing room.

[Matos @MatosPrime]

@DrAPearson @jules_su The filibuster. Schumer & the dems could have kept the government shut down (which was largely being blamed on the Repubs) to fight for the subsidies being extended. This would have forced the Repubs to capitulate or break the filibuster (which, more often helps Repubs).

[Matos @MatosPrime]

@cryptojacktack @I__HATE_SOCCER Adam was literally the editor-in-chief if I recall correctly.