Matt Hancock's Peep Show

But I've got to be the Health Secretary, I've bought the Rough Guide...

Parody account.

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"Hah, what an idiotic boob! He's out, I'm in!"

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"Am I sacked? I'm sacked, aren't I? I bet I'm sacked."

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"What am I doing? This isn't me, I can't have an affair! I'm not French, I'm the least French person on the planet, my favourite cheeses are Cheddar and Red Leicester!"

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"God, I'm running away! This is brilliant! Maybe I'll go to KFC and have a whole bargain bucket! Or join Al Qaeda!"

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"Just keep nodding and smiling. Nodding and smiling like Colonel Gaddafi's psychoanalyst."

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"Yeah, fuck carrot and stick. He's making the stick out of carrot. Jesus, he's good. Careful, there's man love and there's business love and never the twain shall meet."

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

“Butter the toast. Eat the toast. Shit the toast. God, life’s relentless.”

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"Great call. Flirty but friendly, didn't overstep the mark. I could show Sophie the transcript. Maybe I should start taping my phone calls. No, Matt, that's how they got Nixon!"

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

”And listen, while we’re at it, there are systems for a reason in this world, economic stability, interest rates, growth. It’s not all a conspiracy to keep you in little boxes, alright? It’s only the miracle of consumer capitalism that means you’re not lying in your own shit..."

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"This is it. This is literally, it. This is the sort of thing people do when they’re having a good time.”

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

“What a dud evening. Low quality take-away. Low quality detective drama. Low quality sexual intercourse.”

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"Sure, an orgy sounds great, but you're basically just multiplying the number of people you're not going to be able to look in the eye afterwards."

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"All rational people agree it's a truth self-evident that it's impossible to have a good time on New Year's Eve. The pressure's too immense."

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"Straight to Frenching, this is so easy..."

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"Nobody is going to die, this is southern England. Nobody dies in southern England, Jeremy, that just doesn't happen."

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"There's nothing to be afraid of. It was very popular with the Romans and they got a lot done."

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"What do you do to avoid a lion attack? Soil yourself? Or is that grizzly bears? Hate to shit myself for no reason and get eaten. The final humiliation."

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"That was embarassing - 'not a fuck jar'. Still, don't dwell, no need to dwell..."

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

“A new boiler. Surely the least enjoyable way to spend a thousand pounds. At least throwing the money out of the window you’d see the scrabbling mass, the hate-filled faces. I have spent a cool grand on acquiring the resumption of an equitable temperature.”

[Matt Hancock's Peep Show @MattHancorrigan]

"Yes, I suppose the news should just be a dispassionate list of all the events that have occurred the world over during the day, that’d be good – except that it would take FOREVER."