MJ Alba

Immortal until proven wrong.

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

How many American residents should Canada dismember before we stop being a national security threat and become a great ally instead?

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

waiter? there's a large man looming over my soup

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

I blame each and every one of you for the unjust cancellation of Great News. (I had this same tweet queued up for A.P. Bio, so at least you guys are off the hook on that one.)

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

Sure, crazy people shouldn't get guns. But who are we as a people if we rob the right to deal instant death from our sane, peaceful peers?

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

Looking forward to the utopian future where everybody has perfect mental health AND a personal stockpile of automatic weapons to admire

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

Important clarification: I would be happily unsurprised by Jon Hamm until the end of my days. Jon - feel free to quote me on this.

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

@roughlysleek Enjoyed the video but would like to see a focus on more wholesome games - solitaire, checkers - in the future. Thank you and god bless

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

The new surprise cameo is having it NOT be Jon Hamm

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

Wheeled shoes? That's just how I roll

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

Q: How many Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Who told you the lights don't work?? That's the real story!! Obama broke them

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

I like to end all my goodbyes with "possibly forever" just to keep people on edge

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

Hey guys, after two years in the studio I'm ready to drop my latest tweet! It's this one! Please RT!

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

@amylovesu2003 Hey, thanks Amy! My favourite compliments are the ones that are about me

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

"WHAT DO WE-"
"Timing!"
"WHEN DO WE-"
"Now!"

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

Come on Disney, you know better than this. Nobody's gonna watch Agent Carter. You gotta stick with the original title, Agent Carter of Mars.

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

Found this in the gun aisle, for when you're shooting things but also staring at the sun and drinking

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

Who are you kidding, salt and vinegar chips? All chips have salt. You're just vinegar flavour. Ugh.

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

the first rule of fight club is, no more jokes about the first rule of fight club. come on kevin please try to take this seriously

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

You know, humanity would be just fine if scientists worked as hard as the guys who revolutionize skin cream every six months

[MJ Alba @MattJAlba]

Harold and Kumar should have gone for McGuffins