Matt Joseph Diaz

30. They/Them – Radical Self Love & Body Image Advocate. Queer. Puerto Rican. Writer. Plus-Sized Royalty. For booking inquires: [email protected]

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

“If you hate cops so much what are you gonna do if your house gets robbed?”

idk dog I just figured I’d start a GoFundMe page like we do when every other American institution fails to help its people

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

@mossmouth any news about UFO 50 coming to consoles soon? I keep hearing about it in GOTY talks and want to play it but don’t have easy access to PC gaming.

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

@AmericanAir Tell them that we’ve been on our
Honeymoon without clothes or our medication for three days and nobody’s been any help. I’m so furious.

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

@AmericanAir I need you to reply to my messages.

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

@AmericanAir Messaged yall.

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

Hey @AmericanAir tell me why yall lost my wife and i’s luggage on our honeymoon to Costa Rica?? We’re 2 days into our trip and can’t swim or go to the resort restaurants bc yall sent ur clothes to CALIFORNIA and are ghosting me after you told me it would be here 6 hours ago???

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

The fact that IPAs usually have the highest ABV on beer lists makes me feel like I made a monkeys paw wish on wanting beer to be stronger

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

Call me Scrooge bc I’m out here on Hinge being ghosted 3 times over Christmas weekend

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

A match on one of The Apps™️ said that I give her "big Harvey Guillén vibes" and for a moment I was offended; why just because I'm Latinx and queer and fat and styli– ohhhhh

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

honestly the fact that one of my comfort shows when I'm depressed (I am currently depressed) is a docuseries about one of the most televised criminal murder trials in history is so babygirl of me. true crime girlies rejoice

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

The Mandela Effect is such a perfect distillation of humanity because it shows how people would rather invent and buy into an insane multiverse-hopping theory rather than admit they misremembered the main actor in a movie from almost 30 years ago nobody ever gave a shit about

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

Closest I get to Marie Kondo-ing my life is finally deleting podcasts I subscribed to 9 months ago and never listened to a minute of

"oh yeah eventually one day I'm sure I'll get to this 250 episode retelling of A Romance of the Three Kingdoms" nah bruv

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

Getting back on dating apps was a mistake, got unmatched with because she asked me about my Big 3 and I said "One Piece, Naruto, Bleach"

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

FB and IG stories are whole different universes. IG stories and are all thirst traps and pictures of cocktails at sunset; you open someone's FB story by accident and it's a paper plate of a baked chicken breast and steamed broccoli in a dark room, flash on of course

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

People who talk about the Mandela Effect with any sort of seriousness really make me wish I lived in the parallel alternate universe where they were never fuckin' born

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

Love when a streaming service is like "oh you're watching this movie that you last put on 6 months ago? You obviously wanna pick up where you left off, in the last 6 minutes of the closing credits"

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

Barbenheimer is all well and good but nothing will ever test my emotional limits like watching Rise of Skywalker and Cats in a theater in a single evening

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

I've been living my whole life just kinda assuming I'll eventually be chosen as the champion in a loved one's trial by combat

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

renesmee cullen was canonically born on 9/11 send tweet

[Matt Joseph Diaz @MattJosephDiaz]

Bruh I am like thiiiiiis close to doing a bunch of bullshit TikTok ads for these absolutely wack brands that are hitting up my email address. Oh, these ugly tee shirts? Buy 'em! Sure they don't come in my size, but at least I'll have $150!