matt knauth

tamu ‘23 - make sure to like n subscribe and sound off in the comments below

[louise chudling @wembananyaling]

imagine@if cooper flagg had a choker around his neck with a little bell on it and everytime he scored it jingle and he went nyaaa nyaaaaaaa:3 :3

[Paul Reed @Bball_paul]

911 i need your help. whats the problem. 2 girls fitin ova me. whats the problem. the ugly 1 winin

[matt knauth @MattKnauth]

@matthewgoldin How do people not know ur doing a bit by now let’s get with the program people

[matt knauth @MattKnauth]

@marshall_naji8 Get his ass Mr Marshall

[Nathan Flynn @nathanflynn]

don’t go dark on me, bob 🥺

[ivy @ohhhhhherewegoo]

a few, small beers

[Serebii.net @SerebiiNet]

Serebii Update: Pokémon Pokopia has revealed a Snorlax variant in the game, Mosslax https://t.co/NWlAdn5F0o

[matt knauth @MattKnauth]

@pandahank41

[Les Enfant Terry Porter @Tequila_Sunset9]

On the topic, shoutout to my favourite breakdown of the Luka trade

[matt knauth @MattKnauth]

Being in your 20s in Dallas is going to Friendsgivings until u kill yourself

[Steven Balik @laurenbalik]

Dave Portnoy's One Bite Pizza Reviews are full of *secret, esoteric* messaging about rigged NBA games, NFL games, horse racing, sports outcomes.

Dave Portnoy likes to call pizzas floppy. Then, mysteriously, there's a flop or an injury at a big game!😲

"How's the pizza's undercarriage?"

"Check the undercarriage. Oh look, I'm seeing a flop."

"Wow, that parm packs a punch! The parm hit me with a 1-2 punch!"

He doesn't do this with all of his One Bite reviews.

Some of his reviews are under a 7 for the obviously bad places or over a 9 for the obviously good places but most are 7.-something or 8.-something.

Why is that?

It's all Kabbalah.

7 is perfection in the physical world
8 is simply divine

Why would you place a sports bet if you don't know The Rules and everything is rigged with Kabbalah?

One Bite
Everybody Knows the Rules

Dave Portnoy got into a real argument with a small business owner in a Star Wars shirt while Dave Portnoy was wearing a shirt about the pyramids in Egypt where the people of Moses were enslaved by Pharaoh. 🤣

I mean...for crying out loud.

The small business owner said he did not appreciate what Dave Portnoy does to small businesses.

Then, after Dave Portnoy left, the small business owner hung up "The Gospel" in the window of his business and he made sure to get his counter-meme about his "The Gospel" sign on the news.

Why is this? That's because The Gospel is the part of the New Testament about Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is not Kabbalah.

What? Don't be mad at me. Don't even try it. Don't be mad at me. I didn't do any of this. I don't make The Rules.

I know The Rules.
These are easy The Rules.
The Rules get harder and more difficult and more combinatorial the more you get away from this and into stocks and bonds and cryptography.

-You Take One Bite
-Then you Watch One Bite Pizza to See the Flops, the Parm, the Numerology, Other Memes Thrown In
-Then You Place Your Bets Based on the Secret, Esoteric Memes from Dave Portnoy
-Everybody Knows the Rules
-Literally Everybody Knows the Rules

What, you don't know The Rules?
Are you serious?
If you want to place sports bets you have to know The Rules.

Michael Lewis from The Big Short, Moneyball, Liar's Poker is doing a podcast series about sports betting right now.

It's called Against the Rules and it's about the dangers of sports betting.

One Bite
Everybody Knows the Rules

Michael Lewis?
Now Against the Rules, Apparently, According to His Podcast

People commit suicide because they take One Bite, Lose Everything, Because They Didn't Know the Rules

One Bite
Of the Apple
Everybody Knows the Rules

It's so bad they brought goats to Foxborough Stadium a few years ago and Tom Brady became the GOAT and then GOAT officially became the meme that means "good" not "bad" in sports lingo. "Goat" used to be bad in sports. Now, thanks to Robert Kraft and Kabbalah, GOAT means good.

These are The Rules.

What, you didn't know all this? Then why on Earth are you sports gambling?

Do not even start with me.

One Bite
Everybody Knows the Rules
Literally Everybody

What? You didn't know The Rules?
This is how sports gambling works.

The NBA is rigged with Kabbalah. So is the NFL. So is horse race gambling.

One Bite
Everybody Knows the Rules

[Doug 🇦🇷 @reservoirdougs]

going to Netflix and throwing this up on the 70inch in the living room

[LakeShowYo @LakeShowYo]

LUKA IS DESTROYING ISRAEL 🔥 🪄

https://t.co/JwaqKLaQUE

[matt knauth @MattKnauth]

45k likes yall aren’t making it

[️ ️ ️ ️ @StrenjaDenja]

I'm lazy and I think a woman should be readily attracted to me. If she's not I'm not going to bother her lol. I'm past asking women to let me be a part of their lives.

[matt knauth @MattKnauth]

@OldManAndThree He is so good at this dude

[matt knauth @MattKnauth]

@RealSkipBayless Fuck you dude lol

[matt knauth @MattKnauth]

@BiasedSlightly We saw this two years in a row this is honestly my expectation of him. My goat

[matt knauth @MattKnauth]

@MavsPlsWin #nicoharrisonseppuku