Matt Majewski

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

Now that I'm thirty my bed has 4 good pillows

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

"thanks king. just trying to get like you my guy." -str8 guy accepting compliment from another str8 guy

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

Other people have messy hair. Natural. Cute even. I have messy hair? Vile. Psychotic.

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

My ghost actually cannot cross over until I am able to hug one human without prefacing it with "sorry I'm sweating sooo much"

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

My toxic trait is that I WILL try to seduce the bartender. But that's the only one!

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

Tonight someone who's number I never saved asked me to call their phone so they could find it. Then I just pretended to call them and kept asking "do you hear it?" And then they never found their phone.

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

@occamsfrasier Bring it back down bring it back down tonight

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

"This seems like it would be a cool place to live." -me driving through a town that just has a lot of bars

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

Why do you care what highway I took to get here? Get a life, loser.

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

As someone with a flaky scalp and yellow-ish teeth I'm actually making blacklights in bars illegal.

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

Me: I wish gay cinema was less tragic and would focus more on queer joy.

Me watching Heartstopper: fuck these kids. Why do they get to be happy?

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

I called a friend today and after about an hour I made up a little white lie to get off the phone, and he asked "is that true or are you lying to get off the phone?" And for me that is actually trauma and I will not being calling anyone ever again.

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

Honk if you're forlorn-y

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

@therealcbleu

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

Watching Juno

[RANDY @randytheband100]

Zoe Kravitz is sooooo pretty. And so am I

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

My str8 friend is a great hype man and ally... But does he know that when he calls me a "sexy daddy bear" that he's calling me old and chubby?

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

8 am is the new middle of the night

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

Hear me out, astronaut ice cream, but it's molly.

[Matt Majewski @MattMajewski3]

The only rule of improv is that the scene must serve God.