matthew™

nurse | he/him | Pro-Vaccine Account

[The AZ - abc15 - Data Guru @Garrett_Archer]

Things the US no longer has:
A Department of Education.

Things the US now has:
Financed DoorDash burritos.

[Esheru @Eshprojet1]

I’m here for this

[matthew™ @MattSmith0313]

Canceling service with @GetSpectrum is like a police interrogation 😭This man really asked "If I cancel this how do you plan on watching the Super Bowl? Don't you want to keep it for one more month?"

[Tristan Snell @TristanSnell]

BREAKING -- Trump says he's kicking undocumented immigrants out of Social Security.

One small problem, though -- undocumented immigrants are ALREADY ineligible for Social Security benefits.

You know, because they don't have Social Security numbers. Because they're undocumented.

[matthew™ @MattSmith0313]

Could you imagine the embarrassment of being related to this saggy bag of stale air?

[matthew™ @MattSmith0313]

@CityofNewportKY I’m REALLY going to need you all to look into your traffic patterns involving the Taylor-Southgate bridge because babe the lights aren’t synchronized for that much traffic and it’s only getting worse😭😭😭

[Ally Sammarco @Ally_Sammarco]

White men without college degrees are going to ruin this country

[Rep. Casey Weinstein 🇺🇸 @RepWeinstein]

“Pro-life” would be 20 Sandy Hook students voting for the first time this election.

[matthew™ @MattSmith0313]

The recruiter for @MSF_USA trying to stop me in the middle of a downpour while I very obviously don’t have an umbrella has really cemented my decision to never talk to yall again😭😭

[matthew™ @MattSmith0313]

@AmazonHelp What I need is my package expedited.

[matthew™ @MattSmith0313]

@amazon said my package was delivered, but it wasn’t. And now the replacement is going to take FOUR DAYS to get here? @JeffBezos you’re a bum. You and your company.

[matthew™ @MattSmith0313]

“Go to grad school! It’ll go by so quick!”

I just typed a 12 page paper in APA format with 11 references to show benefit of buying 28 new recliners for an in-patient unit. I’d like to break my own fingers off.

[matthew™ @MattSmith0313]

Just a reminder to anyone wanting a brachycephalic dog…you’ll never sleep a full night again as you will be woken up to the snores of a grown man.

[matthew™ @MattSmith0313]

“I’m sorry Amanda”
“You’re not”
#DragRace

[matthew™ @MattSmith0313]

You sure this was your final draft? Like you thought this was ready for release? Mkay #BIGFOOT

[matthew™ @MattSmith0313]

Year 5 of driving up Sycamore in the snow and year 5 of watching people get stuck going up and coming down. This is a main road for your city’s hospital employees to get to work and it’s never done. Absolutely baffled as to why it’s never touched. @CityOfCincy

[matthew™ @MattSmith0313]

Having an EV is all fun and games until it’s an additional $200 to renew your tags🥲🥲🥲