Matt 🤙🏼

If you take me seriously I’ll sound like an idiot or an asshole

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

@PicturesFoIder Who tf sexualized a statue, these men would lose thier minds in Rome

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

@creepydotorg Die knowing I’m a snack

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

@SoupOuppy @creepydotorg

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

Advice for single people on dating apps (me):

If they don’t show their teeth in their profile DONT MATCH

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

@creepydotorg Cars 2

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

Nobody had more confidence in this generation than the directors of sci-fi movies from the 70s

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

No helping ladies crawl back to their wheelchairs if they happen to have stubs? The audacity

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

Bee are really just little British dudes. All that doing it for the queen shit. You sting someone and die? Nah I’ll pass

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

@TheFigen_ The drag from the wind and weight of the body wouldn’t keep is momentum the same. Wall the pool in a box and he will dive just fine.

Toss a paper in the air with the windows up.
Now do it with the windows down.

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

If someone calls you a “douchebag” don’t take it as an insult.

Why are you a douche?
Because youre 70% water?
Because youre very hygienic?
Because you get more pussy than them?

Hold your head high, king.

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

@clownworld I laughed

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

@ErcSpry A vampires wet dream

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

So mosquitos are just going to get bigger each year until they are the size of humming birds?

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

All jokes aside, I’m no medical expert but I think he’s wrong.
He’d probably argue that the brain only holds knowledge and doesn’t operate everything else, and the heart is full of love or something stupid.

These are grown adults in our society and it only hurts us.

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

My 60 year old coworker was trying to explain how mental health doesn’t exist, after hearing his compelling thesis and reasoning I’m thinking I have to call the Department of Health immediately.
We were all wrong, let me explain…

[Matt 🤙🏼 @Matt_of_Va]

This is why doctors retire early because the government knows they get wiser and they force them out before they can start to piece the truth together.

This discovery is going to heal the world.
I told myself to be better, now I’m healed.