Matt

Stand up comedian in NY. 10,000 laughs, Limestone, New York, SLO, Red Clay comedy festivals.

[Matt @Mattbachus]

7 years of living in a windowless room in Brooklyn and I just signed a lease for a place with a window… I’m beyond excited to finally have something to jump out of.

[carrie @cpmorgan19]

with the utmost disrespect intended, FUCK THE KNICKS 😘

go spurs 🖤🩶

[🇸🇩 @methamphtameen]

white people be visiting japan like it’s Mecca

[Matt @Mattbachus]

@octatate Because he works here and he’s late for his shift.

[Matt @Mattbachus]

@McqJr @og_gigii I’m surprised somebody didn’t beat me to it.

[Chris @citehchris]

can you die from a lack of being called big dawg

[Mike Abrusci @mikeabrusci]

If I bought this on accident I would react in a way that would make the local news

[Matt @Mattbachus]

Cop said “unhand that phone!”

[New York Post @nypost]

A one-armed woman has gone mega-viral after she quickly refuted a cop’s claim that she was driving with a phone in her “right hand.”

[Matt @Mattbachus]

The food in every Delta lounge tastes like it’s 75% sawdust.

[💆🏽‍♂️ @godspeedbrother]

no nba basketball tonight for the entire country bc city of cleveland has no self respect

[barrel rolls @barrel_rolls]

you can lead a horse to baja but you can’t make it blast

[Peter Bogdanovich Facts @natminuszero]

This is how you guys sound every two weeks

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

My nephew is telling me he’s a little teapot. Only 5 years old and already a fucking liar like his father.

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

I bet y'all ain't laughing at the Amish
anymore.. they clickity, clackin right past the gas station.

[Bummer T. Vibes, Esq @VibesBummer]

When I’m eating shared nachos I’m always thinking 3 nacho moves ahead of my opponent.

[Black Girl @t_sadiity]

Dont drink them Don Julio drinks at Applebees .. my teeth loose

[Mike Recine @mikerecine]

Wives be like “I need you home from 12-4 today. Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming to pick up a spatula.”

[Matt @Mattbachus]

@GTAVI_Countdown 🤞🤞🤞

[Matt @Mattbachus]

Hitting my friend’s mom’s with a “happy Mother’s Day, I’m sure you did your best”