local village idiot

sometimes I think of something funny and it goes here

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

riiiiiiiight. cool cool cool for sure

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

good evening everyone, tonight’s performance will be an exploration of my love/hate relationship with the reflective surfaces on the B and D subway cars, with a special guest appearances from fun house mirrors and body dysmorphia

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

one thing about me is that i will always find the band hot

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

have you guys ever had to write “annihilation” with a pen and paper? crazy stuff going on there.

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

lighting the joint with matches like ye olde stœner

[ellory smith @ellorysmith]

I saw a dry January tip list that suggested you avoid friends who want to go to bar. as a non drinker can I weigh in and say that actually going to a bar, ordering a basket of fries with a soda feels like going to the moon and seeing god there

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

If you start the Fellowship of the Ring (extended edition) at 11:43 PM, dude that’s so late. Do you know how long that movie is? You’re gonna be up for so long

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

Feels a little too convenient that an odyssey would happen to a guy named Odysseus

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

does anybody know if they've invented a way out other than through yet

[Non-anxiety Magnet (parody) @goesonrants]

*Sisyphus unhooks bra*
*Bra clasps itself back again*
*Sisyphus unhooks bra*
*Bra clasps itself back again*
*Sisyphus unhooks bra*
*Bra clasps itself back again*
*Sisyphus unhooks bra*
*Bra clasps itself back again*
*Sisyphus unhooks bra*
*Bra clasps itself back again*

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

nothing beats the thrill of leaving early

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

I think it’s important to have two dinners: the one you spend time cooking and then the peanut butter and jelly sandwich with chocolate milk you make when you’re stoned 2 hours later. life’s all about balance.

[Gators Daily 🐊 @GatorsDaily]

Who is this diva

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

lowkey strega nonna

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

a baby on the subway reached out and grabbed my arm today so basically, yeah, I am better than all of you

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

if i was a woodland creature, my job would be tending to the moss

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

quick question, am I supposed to act normally about this?

[Film Updates @FilmUpdates]

Andrew Scott photographed by Bartek Szmigulski for Diaries99

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

called myself a milf in therapy…

he wrote something in his notes after

[local village idiot @MatthewConkling]

i think if you’re being too loud on a train you should go to jail for the rest of your life.

i also think i should be the one to decide who is being too loud.