Matt

[Matt @MatthewDittmann]

Told kate the reason a dog is better than her is because if I come home an hour late the dog is even more excited because he thought i was gone for good where as its the exact opposite reaction for her.

[MMA Gone Wild🥋 @mmagonewild]

What an incredible final minute to this fight. Pedro gets the KO. #ufc235

[Matt @MatthewDittmann]

@colindobiee He's getting big dude

[Matt @MatthewDittmann]

Alright folks it's #BellLetsTalk so every retweet this gets bell donates
.05c and myself and a few others will match it capped at 20k retweets. Twitter do your thing and retweet something for a good cause for once.

[Matt @MatthewDittmann]

Last night I passed out on the couch and instead of Kate waking me up to come to bed nicely she connected to the Bluetooth speaker and blasted music which I had to get up to turn off

[Matt @MatthewDittmann]

Kate and I did a thing.

[Matt @MatthewDittmann]

Phil said Kate has me domesticated now and I literally spit my coffee out laughing at that term of reference.

[Matt @MatthewDittmann]

Oh man

[Newsweek @Newsweek]

Lindsay Lohan meets refugee family, tries taking kid away, gets knocked down by the mom https://t.co/qa0O3E9N4y

[Matt @MatthewDittmann]

I pray I’m the dad that all my kids friends like but not the dad that parties with the kids trying to re live his childhood and refusing to grow up

[VERSACEBOYENT @versaceboyent2]

Odell Beckham is one of those Chris Brown type a nigga that can do everything 🤦🏾‍♂️ I’m jealous 😡

[Matt @MatthewDittmann]

Honestly annoyed with how easy it is to drink a stupid amount of alcohol in one night but drinking enough water in a day to stay hydrated seems like a task only Tom cruise in mission impossible can complete.

[dylan @dylanceeee]

my drunk ASS boyfriend just asked me “whos the handsomest man in the world” and i said “uh.. you?” and he goes “false its fucking Ryan Reynolds”

[The Based Messiah @bniceloco]

This video belongs in a museum

[SKKen @NotSKKen]

Tonight when I was serving an old lady told me ‘it’s a shame you have your ears pierced because you’re such a handsome young man’ yeah well idk how to tell you this ma’am but chances are your granddaughters nipples taste like quarters so do you want ranch w your wings or what

[Matt @MatthewDittmann]

@_maeveywavey I feel you need copious amounts of molly to understand

[Flanny. @FlannyTweets]

Fucking class having a shower at your girlfriends. Using stuff like a charcoal facial scrub and a pomegranate & mango shower milk, I’ve came out the shower smelling like a fresh fruit market on a hot summers day, feeling like a brand new woman. 13/10 would recommend.

[Matt @MatthewDittmann]

Dollar beers dougieeeeeeee https://t.co/aTRPpoZIU0

[Matt @MatthewDittmann]

JR smith with the worst basketball IQ in the league