Matt

if you’re asking yourself whether something I said is a joke or not, there’s about a 97% chance it’s a joke.

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

Just rolled my eyes harder than I’ve ever rolled before

[Legion Hoops @LegionHoops]

Rich Paul:

“I got guys, 22, making $200M over the next 4 or 5 years. I'm constantly telling them that's not a lot of money based upon where you're starting, because you're starting from zero… Not to mention jeans today, the ones they want that they're buying in excess, which they probably don't really need, cost $2,000… No athlete can afford to fly private all the time, yet we see so many athletes on Instagram flying private. I fly Delta.”

(via @EarnYourLeisure, h/t @cptdankkk)

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

I once knew I was gonna quit but waited until after we finished closing (didn’t want my coworkers to have to do extra) to walk in to the office and say “I won’t be here tomorrow because I don’t want to work here anymore.” Felt good but not as good as just walking out I bet 😂

[Eva. @Bunny_ngl]

Has anybody out there just walked out of a job like f*** this I'm not coming back?

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

Some dude driving one of these absolutely destroyed my car turning into an alley years ago. No reason the average person should be able to drive something that big with no kind of training lol

[Milo Smith @mil000]

Genuinely why is this legal to drive without a CDL

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

WHOAAAA

[Shams Charania @ShamsCharania]

BREAKING: Jason Kidd is out as coach of the Dallas Mavericks. New Mavericks president Masai Ujiri is making a coaching change.

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

@jasonamico @RedArmyHooligan Yeah dude I was just drunk, it’s really not that deep lmao

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

A lot of you are going to watch soccer this summer because of the World Cup. Give MLS a shot. Is it the best league in the World Cup? Hell no. But your local team has guys shotgunning fucking beers after scoring winning goals.

[FC Dallas @FCDallas]

The boats are ablaze ⛵️🔥

Sam Sarver the man that you are

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

@TheHoneybear23 @NotJackKemp And the bit about Hitler drinking Mountain Dew lol

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

Calling it “cleaner” says you’re not a real human being

[ijn @godknowsdgj1]

That amount of cleaner says he’s never washed dishes before 😭

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

Since when is having “tech” a good feature for a city lol

[Not a Good Jewish Girl✡️ @estherzelda0514]

Dallas is such a strangely awful place to live. Houston at least has the coast, Austin has tech and culture, and San Antonio is cheaper. But Dallas has... heat and sprawling overpriced suburbs?

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

I love the way Shaq would always egg him on during these rants

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

It’s been 2 years since Charles Barkley’s evisceration of Galveston

[JT @jiratickets]

The plan?

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

Skill issue if you’re working 6-11 PM

[giu ✭⡷ @habsyaoi]

unemployed people be like damn i got a playoff hockey match to watch today

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

I seriously can’t think of a less interesting event to attend

[Nick Huber @sweatystartup]

What do you think the average IQ is of people who travel to the NFL draft?

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

@SnackPr0tein Such a 1:30 am answer from him 😂

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

HELL YEAH STARSSSSSS

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

Love the new trend of verified bot accounts that post nothing but AI slop with tons of replies from other verified bot accounts.

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

Lmao

[R A W S A L E R T S @rawsalerts]

🚨#BREAKING: President Donald Trump says gas prices could be lower by the midterms or maybe a little higher who knows

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

@Sam_DTID @_Zeets “When we generated a photo of a fan wearing the jersey it looked fine!” -Nike

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

@_Zeets For the record this is after I washed it. It was a LOT worse when I first put it on. I’ve seen people say you can fix it with a steamer but like… maybe these are things that should be caught before you sell a jersey for $180 lol.

[Matt @MatthewDuell]

@_Zeets I’ve been telling myself it’s just cause my shoulders are getting HUGE