Matthew Harris

[Matthew Harris @MatthewHarwfz]

The first thing I saw as I went out was the delivery man, disheveled and breathing heavily. There were also no boxes for me to carry inside.

[Matthew Harris @MatthewHarwfz]

@EthanMyersldmx I refuse to believe nobody else caught what happened at 0:13

[Matthew Harris @MatthewHarwfz]

@SeanMitchesmzw quick poll: is this a 1-10 or am i tripping

[Matthew Harris @MatthewHarwfz]

Sent you a friend request I love you, old man...

[Matthew Harris @MatthewHarwfz]

@JoseReyesaq rate the color palette from 1-10 be specific

[Matthew Harris @MatthewHarwfz]

embriagada pelo sorriso dos teus olhos castanhos.

[Matthew Harris @MatthewHarwfz]

Me when I realize I will never be able to use a fleshlight

[Matthew Harris @MatthewHarwfz]

@SavannahCakx Honestly this would've been better without the music

[Matthew Harris @MatthewHarwfz]

This also applies to the speaker bailing out with "I was just kidding." If you have to put a disclaimer on your sarcasm, don't use it. People aren't stupid.

[Matthew Harris @MatthewHarwfz]

And while I do still have doubts, I’d absolutely love to have kids one day.

[Matthew Harris @MatthewHarwfz]

Leda observed, under the entrance (1) of her divine abode, the laborious maids that here and there flocked in and out of palace laden with beautiful wick and gold baskets (2), as the dark earth (3) had turned purple the fields after Zeus's rains over deep Laconia.

[Matthew Harris @MatthewHarwfz]

I have very bad bladder control/warning. Like I get 30 seconds tops if I need to go or 5min if I am lucky.