matthew

what it fart like ???

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

from the back she look like lizz truss

[Nikola Kovač @NiKoCS_]

Never give up ❤️

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

has my fly been down all morning, has anybody noticed that my fly is down ?

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

do old people think i spit in the coffee to cool it down if they don’t ask for it extra hot

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

being a manager in hospitality just means you run around with more sets of keys than hours sleep and fart in the store cubbord

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

i’m living life in the crass lane

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

either a vape shop logo or a badge worn by the public farters gang

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

charging my phone with a train, i move different

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

you used the card machine wrong, then you did it again. funny that you did that

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

@logggggggggs the chip is never that big 😞

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

giving ruthin the zaun treatment with my asshole the way i’m blowing straight trumpets behind the counter rn

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

call me a reactor coolant loop the way i’m driven by centrifugal pumps

[log🪵 @logggggggggs]

call me prince of all saiyans the way i’m a v jeeter

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

for breakfast i’ve had 2 coffees and a markiplier edit that brought me to tears

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

just walked past a ring doorbell and i could hear that shit saying “too much motion detected”

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

you fart to realise gas, i fart to test the waters

we are not the fucking same

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

who wants me

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

my body is a machine that turns regret into agony and food into poop

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

in charge of making food for 7 people, might just kill myself in the oven

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

@aIice222 still works like a charm

[matthew @MatthewJonesYe]

i’ll pay someone to do my homework for me (likes are running dry)