Matthew Smith

Reader, writer, Mets fan (ugh), #COYS, father (of 3?!?), Oxford Comma hater, and hypocrite.

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

PSA: "cheers" is something you say when you make a toast; it's not another word for toast. You sound like an idiot.

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

Hey @NBCSportsSoccer why is #BURTOT on my nbc sports app in Spanish, but not English? I’ve checked on my tv AND phone 🤷‍♂️

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

@Stef7815 @SpursOfficial @DjedSpence Didn’t train hard enough, doesn’t apply himself defensively. But he has SO MUCH talent!

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

@MetsBooth @Michael86773756 Deep dish is an abomination. I’ve lived in Chicago 18 years and they’d never admit this to outsiders…but Chicagoans don’t like deep dish either. They order thin crust and cut it in tiny squares. Yes, I know that sounds gross.

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

@MetsBooth Thanks for the reply. If you have a chance to ask tomorrow, I’ll still be curious 🤷‍♂️

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

@MetsBooth I was at Wrigley last night and have a Q. When Carrasco came to the mound for bot 5, he motioned for the bat boy, who started collecting something unseen on the dirt. Umps all had a look too. After the game, Cubs ground crew combed the mound. What happened?

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

@TimBritton I was at Wrigley last night and have a Q. When Carrasco came to the mound for bot 5, he motioned for the bat boy, who started collecting something unseen on the dirt. Umps all had a look too. After the game, Cubs ground crew combed the mound. What happened?

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

@WillSammon I was at Wrigley last night and have a Q. When Carrasco came to the mound for bot 5, he motioned for the bat boy, who started collecting something unseen on the dirt. Umps all had a look too. After the game, Cubs ground crew combed the mound. What happened?

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

@Metsmerized I was at Wrigley last night and have a Q. When Carrasco came to the mound for bot 5, he motioned for the bat boy, who started collecting something unseen on the dirt. Umps all had a look too. After the game, Cubs ground crew combed the mound. What happened?

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

@Mets I was at Wrigley last night and have a Q. When Carrasco came to the mound for bot 5, he motioned for the bat boy, who started collecting something unseen on the dirt. Umps all had a look too. After the game, Cubs ground crew also combed the mound. What happened?

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

@Cookie_Carrasco I was at Wrigley last night and have a Q. When you came to the mound for bottom 5, you motioned for the bat boy, who started collecting something unseen on the dirt. Umps all had a look too. After the game, Cubs ground crew combed the mound. What happened?

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

@NYPost_Mets I was at Wrigley last night & have a Q. When Carrasco came to the mound for bot 5, he motioned for the bat boy, who started collecting something unseen on the dirt. Umps all had a look too. After the game, Cubs ground crew combed the mound. What happened there?

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

Per my cousin: why on this night is that not a knife? THIS is a knife! #OutbackPassover

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

In the family group chat, my mom wrote about them stopping at an @Outback for dinner on their drive from FL to NJ. And I asked “on all other nights we eat regular onion…why on this night do we eat blooming onion?” And no one laughed and now I want a new family #Passover

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

I’m pretty sure you could replace Mr Met with Mr Facepalm and no one would notice 🤦‍♂️ #lgm

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

Far and away, the best thing about wearing a mask in my Uber is that the driver can’t see me mouthing all the words to Wreckx-N-Effect’s “Rump Shaker.”

He can’t see, right?

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

Not even in the top 10 of Kidz Bop ridiculousness...

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

I want to make out with “The Case for Semicolons” via @nytimes; I’m majorly (intellectually) turned on.

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

@katiebcomedy Literally everyone beats a stormtrooper in a fight; ringwraiths are legit scary.

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

We’re officially at the point of lockdown where every game has new “house rules.” For example, the Peanuts game is now about girls sneaking up on boys to kiss them. My daughters are 3 and 5 🤦‍♂️

[Matthew Smith @MatthewSm1th]

The sheer laziness of *almost* returning a cart, but instead letting it drift out into a snowy parking lot. What is wrong with people?