Matthew Newman

cutie patootie with a sad little life @FlambeComedy Current member @Groundlings Sunday Company

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

@robbiegoodwin I'm trying man - one day the fats will return and reign supreme

[Howie Rose @HowieRose]

This is what I’ve been telling you is inevitable for quite a while now. The American League (1901) and the National League (1876) will cease to exist as we know them. The last move before total destruction of the traditions that made baseball great.

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

We are increasingly in a world where we are letting the terrorists win

[Dave Portnoy @stoolpresidente]

Still a great season for the Knicks. Beat a pesky Pistons team and an injured Celtics team. Lit the city on fire for a couple weeks. Great memories for the franchise. One of the best seasons in history of franchise. #bingbong

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

Every person in America has my phone number and they are using it to send me highlights of the Knicks collapse like I might have missed it

[SNY Knicks @sny_knicks]

Mikal Bridges talks about the lack of celebration from the Knicks after winning the series tonight:

"More to go, we're not done"

[fools @fooolia]

ive been cheering these water drops like they're deep threes , BANGGGGG

[Bobby Wagner @bwags]

all the tweets from Yankees fans are like “lol good luck with the 26 year old Ted Williams clone who’s a perennial MVP candidate that we also offered $750+ million. I’m SURE that’ll work out”

[Craig Carton @craigcartonlive]

Hey @woodyjohnson4 perhaps it’s time to take the best offer, pocket $8 Billion move to London and give Jets fans the hope that a new owner would change things. We deserve so much better than this and maybe roll back those ticket price increases for next year as well.

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

Most people want “comedy to just be comedy” yet once again we’ve elected the guy who makes comedy indiscernible from policy — so congrats to another four years of “you can’t say that!!” because no one knows if you’re clearly joking or being fascist light heartedly 💃

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

My friend's brother voted Trump. He said he doesn't have "anything personal against Kamala" just that "with her America will deteriorate and the world will unravel."

"I don't have anything personal against them, I just think they cause the end of the world" is a remarkable POV

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

@ryanoflan Ah crap guess we gotta roll back the clocks again

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

I wish they had I voted stickers for successfully making it another week without betting money on the Jets

[The Jet Press @TheJetPress]

This is actually one of the worst #Jets teams I’ve ever seen and that’s unbelievable.

2-6. Season over before November. 10+ All-Pros on the roster.

None of this should be possible. But the Jets don’t abide by the concept of “logic.”

They live in their own world of dysfunction.

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

It’s cool because not only are the Mets losing, but also these games have been unendingly long and entirely noncompetitive

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

Allan has essentially been my father in law for 11 years and long before meeting me he was the coolest man on earth. Love him and miss him and grateful to have known the man in addition to the all time writer-producer-creator-comedian that he was.

RIP #AllanBlye

[Deadline @DEADLINE]

Allan Blye Dies; Emmy-Winning Comedy Writer Who Played Capt. Blye on 'Mister Rogers Neighborhood' Was 87 https://t.co/ocNgs1sJzo

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

My dick is just four balls in a trench coat

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

My ugly ass is gonna get sincere and tell you this is one of my favorite comedy videos I’ve ever made. If you feel any emotion toward groundhogs day or want to know how we really got to the moon I highly recommend checking this out ♥️ https://t.co/Nb5P5slcFN

[BuccoCapital Bloke @buccocapital]

Dudes will literally take a $113M paycut if it means they get to hang out with their absolute boys

[Matthew Newman @MattsNewmans]

If the Mavs can win this series, I bet it'll be because they "took it one game at a time" and if they don't it'll be because "they lost four games which is too many"