Maty

Oregon alum. Portland Trailblazers and Oregon Ducks are my teams.

[Maty @MatyRice]

Who is this PA announcer at the #nbadraft who will not stop shouting?

[Underdog NFL @UnderdogNFL]

Reid: Rashee Rice (knee, jail) expected to be ready for training camp.

[Maty @MatyRice]

@Ask_Spectrum chat says 92124 has no outage. Can you confirm? I’ve rebooted everything

[Casey Holdahl @CHold]

I have indeed been let go after 18+ years with the @trailblazers. My sincerest thanks to all of you who have read/listened/watched/engaged with my work over the years.

[Maty @MatyRice]

@johnlegend why are you like this bro 😭

[Barstool Ducks @BarstoolDucks]

Kenyon Sadiq is heading to New York 🗽

[Maty @MatyRice]

@dpshow @PaulPabst @HiMyNameIsSeton Somebody please get Dan a new phone case. Unless that’s a style choice, that thing is beyond oxidized. 😭

[JerryRigEverything @ZacksJerryRig]

Jake Paul calls Bad Bunny a 'fake American' for being born in Puerto Rico.

Jake Paul currently lives in Puerto Rico to avoid paying American Taxes.

You cant make this up.

[PFT Commenter @PFTCommenter]

Pleasently surprised with BadBunnys ball security. Good fundamentals

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Maty @MatyRice]

Might be over already folks

[Barstool Huskies @Barstoolhuskies]

Buddy we DO NOT WANT HIM BACK!!!

[Maty @MatyRice]

Bro still has this tweet up. Very brave.

[The Chosen U @TheChosenUte]

Just so Oregon knows...

Your best wins are 9-3 #16 USC, 8-4 #23 Iowa, and FCS JMU...

Tech on the other hand...

11-2 #12 BYU (X2) and 10-2 #15 Utah.

Oregon is getting beat by 2 scores... MINIMUM

[Jake Butt @Jbooty88]

How the hell was Brandon Finney 2nd team all conference?!? He’s an All American!!

[Maty @MatyRice]

This is hilarious 🤡

[Brutus Stark @iron_brutus]

Go win the whole thing king 👑

[Maty @MatyRice]

Aged like mayonnaise

[Trojan Football ✌️ ᶠᵃⁿ @TrojanFBx]

USC will be in the College Football Playoffs this season. Book it. ✌️🌹

[Barstool USC @BarstoolSC]

This is more embarrassing than the loss to Oregon. We deserve to be the laughing stock of cfb

[Maty @MatyRice]

Luther Burden fantasy owners rejoice

[Netflix @netflix]

5 GOOOOOOLDEN RINGS!

EJAE, AUDREY NUNA, & REI AMI perform at SNOOP'S HOLIDAY HALFTIME PARTY on NFL Christmas Gameday. #NFLonNetflix

[Osama Bin Fielding @FireKerryCoombs]

@LivCleary First two rounds on campus, 3rd round the same as they used to do the 4 team format (sugar, rose, cotton, peach, fiesta and orange bowl rotation).