Max Garcia Davison

Writer (Simpsons Comics, the Top Gun and Entourage pieces in McSweeneys). Occasional Jeopardy contestant. Still wondering what happened to the Oneders.

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

Doctor says, "Treatment is simple: Read comic books. Laugh. That'll pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But Doctor, I write comics."

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

@redsteeze Diner - a popcorn bucket

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

"Godspeed." -the bathroom attendant at Asgard

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

@TalkinBaseball_ Steve Finley

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

I’m looking at Texas Tech to pull a reverse Rudy and turn in their jerseys, asking their coach to cut Sorsby so the other teams on the schedule won’t cancel their games.

[Hugh Laurie @hughlaurie]

Thanks for your critique, Janet. We actually tried a couple of episodes where House (Hugh Laurie) (please put the brackets in the right place) gets it right first time, but they were only 6 minutes long. NBC weren’t happy. Then we tried some where House never gets it right and the patient dies. The audience wasn’t happy.

One could apply your trenchant analysis to other art forms: JS Bach wrote 30 Goldberg variations on the same chord structure; Frida Kahlo painted 50 portraits of herself; Henry Moore, what??

The point is, or was, variations on a theme; if all you see is hospital, medical blah blah, then it wasn’t meant for you.

Nonetheless, I look forward to your first novel!

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

It’s not a weight loss journey. It’s a mass exodus.

[Curtis Houck @CurtisHouck]

MSNOW's Chris Hayes: "You did not grab [Lyndsey Fifield] by the wrist? You did not put your hands on her shoulders? You did not push her into a room that you closed the door on? She's -- she's lying about that? Is what you're saying?"

Graham Platner: "Yes. That is not true."

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

You can’t start a fire without a spark…
This gun’s for hire, even if we’re just…

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

I spent twenty years on the AMC app but I finally got my 70mm IMAX ticket. Time to return to my wife and child.

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

June the Fourth Be With You.

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

The number of executive producers on this poster shows you how difficult it is to find financing for any project.

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

Exclusive poster for ‘MOTOR CITY’, starring Alan Ritchson.

The film follows a man who plots revenge on a gangster who sent him to prison for a crime he didn’t commit.

In theaters on July 24.

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

I’m not a rocket scientist, but these claims about arugula sound specious.

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

Watching Wishbone made fifth grade book reports very easy, as long as you didn’t say that the Count of Monte Cristo was a Jack Russell.

[Culture Crave 🍿 @CultureCrave]

Every actor said yes immediately to starring in Christopher Nolan's 'The Odyssey' except Robert Pattinson, who asked to read the script

“I was like, ‘Yeah, can’t wait to read it.’ He’s like, ‘You want to read it? Everyone else just said yes'"

(via @GQMagazine)

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

@stoolgambling Dodger Stadium, on the Island of Relevancy

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

“They still do mining?”

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

“I have a master’s degree!” only works as a comeback if you’re Luchasaurus.

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

Tracking the stats of the fantasy baseball players I dropped like I’m stalking an ex's Instagram.

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

@ramenretro1 Can’t be. No toothpick.

[Max Garcia Davison @MaxGDavison]

No one knows what POV means anymore. I’m all out of faith.

[Lett🪾 @lettpoupette]

pov: you drop a one-hit wonder in the ’90s, have the most insane face card known to mankind, and then vanish from the face of the earth