Maximus

i may be sincere, but almost everything i say is purely for the purpose of humor | women are the greatest thing to ever happen to this planet

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

the only good thing about this god awful world is that women exist in it

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

back in my day all the women were older than me

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

who knew actually doing my job could be so rewarding

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

i really wish alcohol worked for me as well as it seems to work for everyone else

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

the great thing about pain is that eventually it stops

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

i will usher in a new age of complimentary yo momma jokes

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

schemes have begun to fill my brain

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

my love is strictly conditional

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

i’m beginning to think that spirituality has more to do with your belief/faith itself, rather than what religion you choose to believe in

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

anyone else wish humans evolved with earlids

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

i really fw polytheism ngl

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

@katyparrygg no wonder the slide cancel up-tilt works so well!!

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

if i had to self identify as anything, it would be a hedonist

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

i was not put on this planet to weather hardship

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

i love throwing out indiscriminate compliments

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

movie/show entertainment be like: “abandon all logic, ye who enter”

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

man it must be rough bein an attractive woman. men are so damn stupid

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

@jwiggle576 damn good for you! 😄💖

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

@mrmeaties damn good for you 💖

[Maximus @Maxcximus]

i was so blissfully empty-minded this morning that i almost forgot about the trafficking of innocent children today