Maxwell Schaffer

Father-Husband-Teacher-Sports Fan

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

Daily Daughter Quote

When looking at the bun in mom’s hair when mom had explained it was called a bun to her earlier

“Bread in your hair?”

Never change!

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

@Chris_Hawkey
Someone wrote Rise…I fixed it for you “aaaaaaa RYYYYYYYYZ”

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

Daily Daughter Quote

Eating ice cream

Her: “These polka dots?” Points to her arms.

Me: “No. Those are called goose bumps.”

2 minutes later
Her: “Goose bumps.” Giggles and can’t stop laughing

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

Daily Daughter Quote

Her: making toot noises with her mouth.

Mom: “Who tooted?”

Her: “In my mouth not in my butt.”

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

Daily Daughter Quote

Heading to the park

Me: “Are you ready?”

Her: taking off on her strider bike “Ready to roll!”

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

Daily Daughter Quote

Her: “I did a quiet fart.”

Mom: “Excuse you.”

Her: “You’re welcome.”

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

@Tanner_Castora Yes. Yes it is.

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

Daily Daughter Quote

Looks at mom while being wiped

“Me tooted in your face!”

Followed by maniacal laughter

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

Daily Daughter Quote

Reading a book that involved ice cream. I asked her what kind of ice cream she likes.

Her: “Chocolate. Pink. Bills. And ICE CREAM!!!”

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

Daily Daughter Quote

Her: “Sissy is gonna be one.” (Holds up one finger)

Me: “Yep. And you have a birthday soon too.”

Her: “I’m gonna be three.” (Holds up three fingers)

Me: “Yep. And daddy has a birthday soon too.”

Her: “Yes and daddy is gonna be two. (Holds up two fingers)

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

@EricGalko @mgronowski11 @TylerBarnesIOWA @HawkeyeFootball @Jordan_Reid @nfldraftscout @dpbrugler @IC_Draft @Tanner_Castora @MCFick @ShrineBowl How far did he throw it on his long toss?

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

Daily Daughter Quote

When talking about swimming this summer.

“Wait, me get splash pad out. And pool!”

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

@Tanner_Castora @mgronowski11 @TheIowaHawkeyes How far did he throw it?

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

Daily Daughter Quote

After she broke her stethoscope in her kid doctor kit

“Me pretend me have stephscope on.”

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

@TMZ @wyche89 Chuck Norris hasn’t died, death has been Chuck Norrised

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

@PattonAnalytics @pfref Vikings were that good under Kwesi? Damn, I thought he was worse

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

@Polymarket That close huh? Looks like .07% more of their population is headed to detention facilities for “re-education training”

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

@HowThingsWork_ Easy fix: manufacture all bullets out of tungsten.

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

Daily Daughter Quote

While coloring a picture of a lion.

“Me love monkeys. Kinda funny. Me not love lions. Kinda scary.”

[Maxwell Schaffer @MaxwellSchaffer]

@BisonReport Didn’t the Bison win in Brookings? Cope harder