Mayberry Tweets

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

B: Oh hi Thel How ya doin? Listen Thel Yur in for quite a surprise for tonite. Well I kno tonite is not our regular date nite Thats whats a surprise about it. Well which is more important? Me or gluing covers back on hymn books w/ Edgar Coleman? And what about u & Edgar Coleman?

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

A: Otis what in the world are you doing?
O: I just got back from ol man Davis’ place. He sold me this entire horse for $20
A: Otis I don’t reckon you’ve noticed, but you gotta horse that gives milk.

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

O: I was thinkin about what you said. That if youre sellin something you should tell people the truth about or else it ain’t honest. That dont just go for bikes does it Pa? That goes for houses too dont it? You mean that kids should be honest but the grown ups don’t have to be?

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

O: I’ve always had trouble with this knee. Boy I’d sure hate to have to fill out a form every time I fell down. Wouldn’t leave me much time for drinkin. Im tellin you Barney I have always had trouble with this knee. It’s an old football injury. Got it playin football with my wife

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

B: Gentlemen I have the following announcement to make. Count Itsvan Teleky exists!

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

BD: This aint to show trip Its a betrothin.
CD: Were here to find a young boy to pledge his hand & heart to Andelina
A: Thats what European royalty used to do
BD: They got it from us
B: Well that kills me. 3 month old baby gettin engaged. Here I am 35 & just keepin steady company

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

On the one hand we have the followers of James Merriweather. And on the other hand Nogatook.
JM: NOOGATUCK!

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

AB: Eventide. The gentle rustling of the leaves. The birds seeking their nests. Oh my happy valley. England youre so far away. But hark, do I hear the distant drums of war? Will the noble red man rise...again...in all his fury? There lies the course of history.

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

A: Now Barn this is not an overnite decision. I’ve thot about it a lot and we’ve talked about it too. I told you there mite come a time when I’d be movin on.
B: Yeah but I didn’t think you meant anything like quittin. I thot you just meant dying.

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

FP: Well I’m gonna pay this ticket because that’s all I can do. But I’m gonna tell you something just like I told your deputy to his face. First time I catch him out of uniform, I’m gonna get my four dollars worth. And then some

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

Tuesday nites it’s her place for television. Thursday nites it’s the diner for the special. And Friday nites when I’m on duty she’s here for coffee. She just as much said I was cheap!

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

B: This was the granddaddy of them all. The big bomb. We were sittin on her front porch and all of a sudden she claimed I never took her any place. What a ridiculous thing to say. We go to church every Sunday.

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

B: Alright Blue. Now there’s a man out here with a gun. Get him! Gun Blue! Gun man get him!
A: Barney you better leave that dog alone. Barney the dog don’t like that whistle.

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

A: Barney, you want my honest opinion? I dont believe that dog could find his own food dish.

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

A: Roger I know that we may not see eye to eye when it comes to electricity, but when it comes to pottin petunias I’m a giant. I got folks who come from miles around just to hear me talk on pottin petunias.

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

A: Ernest T did your mother ever hit you?
ETB: Oh yeeaahh She was wonderful

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

: You know something this whole thing is psychological. Love & punishment Punishment & love Dont you get it? Its the old mother figure bit He loves her like a mother. Sigmund Frood wrote a lot about that

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

A: Now this over here, that’s all new. That used to be all grass. Now it’s all blacktop.
AB: A parking lot for help at the gas works
Uncle Ollie: I hate to knock your town Andy, but Lake Charles blacktopped around the gas works three years ago.

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

A: Aunt Bee, you know with me stretchin him and you fattenin him up, Barney’s liable to turn out to be a much bigger fella than he thinks he is.

[Mayberry Tweets @MayberrysTweets]

A: Remember Mrs. Von Roeder?
B: The beast of the 4th floor. Remember when we put ink in her thermos bottle?
A: Remember the tack in her chair?
B: Then we put that garter snake in her desk drawer? Boy she sure was mean