Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez

Official awesomeness correspondent. Purveyor of nonsense. Pursuer of evil doers. Amazing parent.

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

Haaaaaaaaaans!

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

Oh. My. God. This made my day.

[Joe Kwaczala @joekjoek]

the gasp i just made

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

It's only war if I come from the War region of France. Otherwise it's just sparkling conflict.

[Clue Heywood @ClueHeywood]

Hate to pull the lawyer card here but under 50 U.S.C. § 1541 we’re not legally “at war” until Toby Keith sings about putting a boot in someone’s ass

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

@baseballchickie And they all cause taint cancer now for some reason.

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

@rez_devil suppository

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

@GeorgeFoster72 That ball owed him money.

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

He's going to start selling the spice melange.

[Ari Meirov @MySportsUpdate]

Tom Brady said on FOX that he will be at the Chargers-Raiders game tomorrow night and plans to announce something very special that he’s been working on “for a very long time.” 👀

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

@WillNovak13 A bassist for any disco band in the 70s.

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

@rez_devil I have a 2010 Escape (same engine) that I swapped out the water pump a few years ago. All the instructions I followed then said the air would bleed out through the reservoir when refilling, since that's the highest point in the system.🤷‍♂️

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

@ClueHeywood @itsallphoenix2 Not gonna lie, it did cross my mind.

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

@nut_history I know it's a homer reply, but Gregor Blanco saving Matt Cain's perfect game in 2012.

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

@ralphamsden That's on them. Any ambiguity or mislabeling should favor the buyer when dealing with a business. If I buy a kilogram of apples and they only charge for a pound, I might say something at the register, but if I make it home 🤷‍♂️

[Will Clark @WillClark22]

One follower of mine who likes & retweets this tweet before 2/2 will win a THRILL T-shirt signed by me.

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

@ralphamsden He directed Home Alone and a Harry Potter. What's not to like about him?

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

@ralphamsden Both of my kids just said 80%. I'm going to have to throw some disappointment their way this weekend😑

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

My ears are burning...

[Ben Dreyfuss @bendreyfuss]

I think the next Harvard president should be someone really out of left field. These students and faculty, they’ve been coddled. Harvard needs a strong president who graduated from Arizona State with 2.3 GPA and a degree in communications

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

It's annoying when I try to get my family's attention now that they wear noise cancelling headphones, but it makes it much easier to fart and blame it on the dog.

[FOST @GeorgeFoster72]

I’m in tears, cuz this be me for real

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

I spent yesterday and today recaulking the bathrooms. It's a lot of work but the endless supply of caulk jokes make it worthwhile.

[Cooper, Molyneux & Juarez @McMastersDegree]

If there was ever a news story I needed an update on more... I have so many questions.

Man gets stuck in desert tortoise hole in north Phoenix https://t.co/tRE92Kagy4