Mike McQueen

Peace, Love, and 'Friends' reruns.

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

@netflix did you try turning the fight off and turning it on again?

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

Marcus: (eats a chip) "Hey, I'm a chipmunk!"

#thingsmy7yearoldsays

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

Who farted? And who made it tickle?

#thingsmy7yearoldsays

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

Was it an overreaction to remove 99.9 #kgor as a stored radio station because I got Rick Rolled when I started my pickup?

I appreciate a good prank, but I can already tell that's going to be firmly lodged in my brain for days.

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

There's something about sitting in the driveway with a smooth whiskey, a good cigar, and some Waylon Jennings on the stereo that makes you feel like a classy man.

There's something about cutting your cigar with a PVC cutter and wearing fuzzy slippers that makes it super trashy

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

Marcus: What in the shiver-me-timbers is happening? #thingsmy7yearoldsays

My son would make an excellent Robin.

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

It's 10:00 on a Friday, the kid is asleep, we're both sober, and in a heated battle for Catan. Life is way different in our 30s....

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

My biggest takeaway after watching #thebatman yesterday, is that ol' Vladimir Pooty Poo is less relatable than a DC comics super villain.

Also, I'm 100% convinced that Robert Pattinson still listens to Marilyn Manson exclusively.

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

@NathanRRossman My following is small and not the most involved as a group. I fear I'll never get my cult started....

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

Does every group of friends talk about starting a commune? I'm worried I might be a hippie....

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

Good news, I found my Twitter!

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

Tucking Marcus into bed.
Me: Can I get a hug?

Marcus: I have 4 songs I want to teach you.

Me: Not tonight. Sleep tight.

Marcus: Wait! I have to tell you something about Pterodactyls.

It's exhausting trying to keep up with this kid.

#thingsmy6yearoldsays

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

Why do I bother putting leftovers in the fridge? That Tupperware container and I both know it's not getting touched again until the fridge stinks....

#minorleagueadult

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

Marcus (after winning at Candy Land): "It tastes good to be a winner"

My son is a cocky jerk and I love it. #thingsmy6yearoldsays

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

@LaceyHannan Lucky for me I didn't grow boobs until after the spit up phase...

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

Fatherhood: (n) A phase of life where you allow some little s**t to try and handcuff your wrist to his while you're eating corn on the cob.

#dadlife #gladitwasntsoup

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

Marcus: Dad, how much do I weigh?
Me: Almost 55 lbs! You're getting so big!
Marcus: So basically as much as your foot?
Me:

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

To the @Walmart cart wrangler using a cart mule to ferry across the flooded parking lot: your resourcefulness inspires me.

Also, I'm sorry for hailing you like a taxi.

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

At a baseball game with Marcus:

"Sometimes I can throw really far. Like, the wind and me are the best teammates ever"

I'm jealous. Nature has rarely been that supportive of me.

#thingsmy6yearoldsays

[Mike McQueen @McqueenMike]

This song makes me feel the same way as when I listen to Pearl Jam's Even Flow. I want to sing along to both, but I'm not sure it's possible.