Megan Maffia

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

The older I get, the more I watch Ferris Bueller and root for him to get caught. http://t.co/dsuUZ27g2A

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

http://t.co/l94JrArY1M Thursday is "date night", when I force my family to eat all the expired food in our fridge.

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

a bum came up to me once and said "sticking your junk in the snow is what necrophilia feels like" ok http://t.co/taQwAUzb5i

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

http://t.co/Uauh3c4QsN White people be loving the shit out of fall foliage.

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

http://t.co/IJ2t3IVIKw I got a free wallet and watch today. It's like this gun is magic.

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

I wonder who is being John Malkovich right now. http://t.co/5Qk5q86g7z

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

"I liked small butts. I was lying." - Sir Mix-A-Lot's teary deathbed confession http://t.co/0xOMhhwSzx

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

http://t.co/urLhaFFAq1 The Bible is subtitled "Shit My God Says".

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

How can we know atheism exists? Where's the evidence? http://t.co/fwAMu16aAH

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you http://t.co/T3q2Od7cs9

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell. http://t.co/AswYhllfl8

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you? http://t.co/hsFtVD5DoR

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home. http://t.co/8fipTOCKGb

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

"I liked small butts. I was lying." - Sir Mix-A-Lot's teary deathbed confession http://t.co/43qXXkLR6q

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

The Bible is subtitled "Shit My God Says". http://t.co/8qfKZhEdPE

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you http://t.co/yqGgLgSvke

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

http://t.co/rpSqRR5h Shit's Creek is actually quite lovely when you bring paddles.

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

The Huffington Post just did a fascinating piece on the 9 Greatest Single-Digit Numbers of All Time. http://t.co/FSMkQ3Qi

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

http://t.co/LY2File5 I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything..

[Megan Maffia @MeganMaffia]

Feeling rough morning-after partying hard? Check out these great hangover cures. http://t.co/m5q2xvly