MelEisley

what’s a finsta in Twitter?

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

This just happened #mew #pokemongo #goplayer

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

4714 8427 8790 #PokemonGO #PokemonGOfriends #PokemonGoFriendCodes #pokemongotrainercode

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"You know what I love? When I can see my cellulite bubbles. See that crater? You know what it is? It's a Girl Scout cookie."

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"I hope you're having a good time. I hope your tits look good."

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"I just wanna nibble on your chubby kid. Is that weird?"

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"I drink milk and eat cereal. That's all I do. Except write theses and make sexual jokes."

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"I'm not sure if that's chocolate or a beauty mark."

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"I'm not fucking running, he ate my Twix!"

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"I don't need friars and Chinese people sniffing at my asshole."

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"All I smell is feet and vag. And honeycombs."

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"YEAH VAGINA SAG! Nobody likes saggy vagina!"

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"This song gets me horny. Not like it's hard."

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

Q: "You don't like wine?"
A: "I like skim milk."

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"I don't care if you think I'm a lesbian."

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"Like, I'm really glad we both get diarrhea when we eat a bowl of cereal"

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"Who wants to go taste India with me?"

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"Your laugh is real cute. Now leave." #sorrynotsorry

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"You better tell the boys that I had to sacrifice snuggling and SEX, and they're gunna say, 'WHY ARE YOU HERE!?!'" #butreally

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

"If I had pizza in my mouth I would be less likely to put it in other places... like boobs."

[MelEisley @MelEisley]

I"f you have a dick, I bet it'd be a big one. And you wouldn't be cocky about it."