Melissa Kozolanka

Eccentric Thousandaire

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

@hankgreen The letter p

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

@wonderofscience @AlexKoz I assume this what sleeping next to me sounds like and not at all like a cement truck full of large rocks and snot.

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

@k8ieokay I believe in you!

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

@matthewsurina Honestly this is the nicest thing that's ever been said to me.

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

Me, hiding my dog's oral syringe pain medication behind a piece of swiss cheese:

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

@peggythrill Hard yes.

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

@dropout Even if each took a minute and a half... THATS SEVENTY FIVE MINUTES!

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

Do you ever eat a nice, crunchy pickle and feel the little bumps with your tongue and for a split second think MAYBE you're eating a tiny pickled alligator? Yeah, me neither.

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

*in the key of Phil Collins* 🎶 She's an easy oven, she cooks a cupcake with a light bulb 🎶

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

Dear @samreich, I think you should know that when I have a problem that I don't even know how to begin to solve my husband now says to me "Well, the only way to begin is by beginning".

I mean, he's out of line but he's Reich. 😉

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

This is truly the most relevant thing on the internet. Not a day goes by, especially lately, that I do not utter these words.

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

@DirtyLaundryDO @dropout @LilyD @GrantOB @thebeccascott @rekhalshankar @rosabelland @Persephiroth The most rowdy ep yet and I live for it! But truly the most unhinged part was Izzy resting her drink on the COUCH instead of the table. The absolute hubris of it all! I aspire to, one day, be so confident in my choices.

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

Welp, looks like we got a tradition on our hands.

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

Starting off my birthday with the weirdest possible energy. CHUCKLE UP! @McElroyFamily

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

Hey @UmActuallyShow I'd like to submit a formal request to add a new prop to the shelves: the Hocus Pocus spell book with an ear instead of an eye 👂

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

"You need to luxuriate in your spoils". An absolute fucking GEM from @JustinMcElroy that I very much needed today.

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

Every Thursday morning WITHOUT FAIL I think "how da heck am I going to get through two more days of work" and then a new episode of @TheZoneCast comes out and I'm like

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

@AlexKoz She sounds funny.

[Melissa Kozolanka @MelKozofficial]

@rachsyme Walking in the Pacific ocean at sunset playing 20 questions with my husband on vacation in California.