Machine Gun Melly

Tell your dog I said he’s a good boy

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

Who’s a good boy??

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

@JORDYHiGHROLLER Making me feel normal about the time I took a cab from Syracuse to keuka 🫠

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

I want to have a couple drinks and order clothes online that I would never order otherwise.

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

“Leila I’m going to take you to the brain doctor if you tell me ‘I don’t remember’ again.”
-“well I’m going to take you to the police since you just went through a red light”
😒😒

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

WHERE ARE the candy cane tootsie pops or chocolate candy canes. I’ve had it with the decline in holiday spirit.

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

December 21st is absolutely NOT the time to argue with the cashier. Pay what it says and keep it moving.

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

These crossing guards must be stopped.

[Mike The Situation ☝🏻 @ItsTheSituation]

dont let anyone pressure you out of ordering chicken tendies, you are valid

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

My daughters in the back seat complaining about the pot holes I don’t have the strength to tell her the road is smooth I just hit a curb

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

What would make just one of my powerbeats pro volume quiet? I’ve reset and balanced the audio levels already.

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

willing to pay more for a precut package of school and sports pictures. Name ur price.

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

@coachternosky To think I would ever get Columbus Day off of work😅😅😅

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

Oh hunny lol

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

This man just took a shower in the planet fitness water fountain and wants to tell me I’m “cute.” Sir go locate the locker room.

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

Why can I remember things like lil Wayne’s birthday but not what I walked into a room for

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

What the hell is going on at the fake church

[Fredo @FredoInDaCut995]

Females will stop for Starbucks but not for gas

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

Thank God it was just a snail.

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

“Leila you should have listened to me, just remember mommy is always right.”
-“ok but next time you’re wrong I’m gonna laugh…a lot.”
😒🥴

[Machine Gun Melly @MelRaeNel]

@Liderally_Lid me lmao I need 36 CEUs every 3 years and I usually wait until the very end 😅

[max comfort @maxcomfortfilms]

🚨GIVEAWAY🚨

All you have to do is RT and you’ll have a chance to win my new shorts before they release tomorrow 💫

I’ll do a random drawing tonight at 11pmEST and post the winner in the replies of this tweet.