David Milam

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

You know what they say, “Teach a woman to do anything and you’ll be teaching her that same thing, for the rest of her life”

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

I need @boburnham to render an opinion.. but also thank you for not

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

I’m just gonna keep shitting in airplane bathrooms until they stop me

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

A two person flash mob, in an empty bar #whosin

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

Bon Iver is Frank Ocean for white people

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

All Christmas music is fan service

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

I really thought I was a good golfer, until I kept golfing

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

Jesus died for my sins, so I can have that DAWG in me #blessup

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

Yo, what’s good? Hit me up with any question and I’ll have the answer faster than you can say ‘David GPT. 🤙🔥#AI #QuestionMaster #DavidGPT

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

Poppin with cats, AMIRITRE?!

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

“So me and some friends are heading over Panda Express later to grab some drinks… Wanna join?”

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

If found, please return to Panda Express

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

Come on everybody. Lemme get one more follower.. wanna hit that “69” followers mark

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

I mean, eating a microwaved corndog isn’t the best. But it’s better than NOT having a corndog

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

Y’all are gonna disagree with me because you’re uncultured. But @GuyFieri is the one who SINGLE ARMIDLY made sleeves cool

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

Remember.. no claws when you’re drinking laws

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

Yo dude. Who was farting on the dance floor?

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

The only thing better than brunch, is gay brunch

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

Instagram selfies are the new cigarettes

[David Milam @Melomilomelo]

French bulldogs are the Yeti Coolers of dogs @hAMBERger329