Melissa 🕷

(She/Her) Artist. Actress. Director. Designer. Writer. Smart Ass. Professional Nobody. 🧷

[Melissa 🕷 @Mercuralis]

Aesop’s fable about the ants and the grasshopper is really about how society does not value arts or entertainment, or perceive it as labor deserving of pay.

The ants are the assholes in the story, not the grasshopper.

[‏ً @omgsidewalks]

Y’all very young, but there was a time when we used to spend money buying ringtones, and now I’ve had my phone on silent for like seven years.

[Melissa 🕷 @Mercuralis]

He would’ve loved this tweet.

[Tom Francis Updates @brutalboulevard]

Walking through Times Square while on the phone and telling my friend “Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat is way hotter than Rum Tum Tugger anyway” and a guy behind me quietly repeats what I said under his breath and starts laughing

[maddie @madsssagascar]

it fucken wimdy

[Bernard Taylor @BTForCongress]

Do you remember in The Lion King when scar told the hyenas if they helped him become king he will make their lives better and then their lives didn’t get better and he blamed them for it.

And upon realizing this, the hyenas ate him.

Do with that story what you will.

[Melissa 🕷 @Mercuralis]

Can anyone who understands Dog Thinking tell me why, when she wants me to get up and do something, my dog’s favorite tactic is to lay on me with her entire body weight and pin me to the couch? It’s completely counterintuitive. Bonus points if she manages to lay on my head.

[love drops @lovedropx]

My best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in your life, and it can become a vice if you play your cards right.

[Sondheim Lyrics @sondheimlyrics]

No more feelings.

Time to shut the door.

Just—no more.

[Sondheim Lyrics @sondheimlyrics]

You think, “What do you want?” You think, “Make a decision!”

[Sondheim Lyrics @sondheimlyrics]

The sun comes up, I think about you.

[𝒶rα˚˖𓍢ִ໋ @yslmammi]

functional depression is real. you joke, you work, you love, you play, you are still there for others, but mentally you are drowning

[Andrea Junker @Strandjunker]

We don’t need New Year’s resolutions, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

[𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖗 @LucifersTweetz]

Morality doesn't come from religion. It comes from empathy and reason.

[catwheezie🐾 @catwheezie]

"time heals all wounds" WRONG. time is chasing me with a knife. Happy new year everyone.

[Jane Austen First Drafts @Austen1stDrafts]

I take no leave of you, 2025. I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am most seriously displeased.

[𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖗 @LucifersTweetz]

If you need religion to be moral, you're not a moral person.

[Susie Dent @susie_dent]

Word of the day is ‘quockerwodger’ (19th century): a puppet politician whose strings are pulled entirely by someone else.

[Cat Herding Science Nerd @catladyactivist]

The headlights. Something needs to be done about the headlights. Like, I'm glad you can see through 8 miles of oncoming traffic like an x-ray, but all anyone else can see for 10 minutes after getting gigablasted by your LED floodlights is an ocular migraine.

[Sondheim Lyrics @sondheimlyrics]

Good things get better, bad get worse. Wait, I think I meant that in reverse.

[Carl Woodward @mrcarl_woodward]

Stephen Sondheim could write All I Ask Of You but Andrew Lloyd Webber could never write No One Is Alone