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Meta - where the impossible becomes probable. Come join us! We're hiring now - your career of a lifetime could start at

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Head to https://t.co/Qne5c13mcB and join us. Be amongst the greatest human beings in the world, with no chance of dying at all.

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You couldn't have done it without us, @LanceDann we expect payment in chai, #COVFEFE and cronuts. https://t.co/janckj1jKz

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@iloveknives @bloodcultural @LanceDann @Cyberwest We have new stealth drones. You will never know we're coming. Then you're dead.

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@bloodcultural @iloveknives @LanceDann @Cyberwest Your use of this thread has been noted in the Meta Logging system. We are launching drones

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@RebelZionMusic we just cannot get rid of that guy!

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@Jamie29209451 oh god he's not back again is he?

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Can all employees over 25 please report to HR today to pick up their final paycheques.

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@iloveknives @Cyberwest Only when I'm angry.

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@iloveknives @Cyberwest You reckon? Bring it!

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We apologise for the temporary interruption in this Twitter stream. Normal service will resume when the difficulties have been eradicated.

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Today is Blood Sausage Day at Meta. Could all staff be ready with their sausages at 12:30pm.

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We are pleased to announce that intern Zara has achieved the world's highest score in Sloth Simulator. Well done Zara! You are Slothtastic!

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@iloveknives We are a very cute company.

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@Wh1teN0ize @bloodcultural @macohibs We shall ensure you know who's boss now. There will be NO misunderstanding.

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"Happiness is not about what the world gives you - happiness is what you think about what the world gives you." Sheldrake Thought 4 Tuesday

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@iloveknives @bloodcultural @LanceDann I'm not sure what this has to do with tugging off nocturnal flying mammals.

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@iloveknives @bloodcultural @LanceDann We have a leader who will bring strength and stability.

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@iloveknives @bloodcultural @LanceDann We will prevail.

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@iloveknives @bloodcultural @LanceDann @HSCwatcher @wellcometrust The door to your detention room, you mean?

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@iloveknives @bloodcultural @LanceDann @HSCwatcher @wellcometrust We have a LONG file on you now.

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@iloveknives @bloodcultural @LanceDann @HSCwatcher @wellcometrust Guess what? Your dissent has been noted in the MetaLogging System.