Lacyfer

*Be yourself. By yourself.* Chef. Play bass. Metalhead extraordinaire. Football fiend. Aspiring cat lady.

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

I like a lot more pictures when I'm drunk. #AmIDoingThisRight

[Neon Clock Tweet Bot @NixieBot]

Greetings @ItsJeffWilliams here's your pic. Hey: @xblack_wingsx @Metal_Mamma this is for you too!

[Kevin Neal @kwneal33]

@berniesanders They're at it again in Arizona and Utah! #VoterSuppression #VoterFraudIsReal #ScreenShotTheVote #BernieSanders

[SportsCenter @SportsCenter]

Many are celebrating historic game between Rays and Cuban National Team, but it's more personal for @LeBatardShow. https://t.co/pK3dE9brvR

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

I bitch for the greater good.

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

Minecraft, Boston Cream Pie, and wine. Just in case you couldn't remember the definition of classy.

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

I brought in the year 2000 with a bottle of apple schnapps and Limp Bizkit. #NotProud

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

Nothing has made me feel older than realizing that children that were born in the year 2000 are getting their driver's licenses this year.

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

@ItsJeffWilliams

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

If I text you, it's either porn or cats. That's what it's like being my friend.

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

Who the fuck turns down a high five?

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

My Indian name would be OpenMouth InsertsFoot.

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

Nothing makes your butthole pucker more than sliding into oncoming traffic on a fairly major highway. #WinterStormJonas #CanKissMyIce

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

My twerking is never more on point than when I have to pee in the woods.

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

Accidentally pulled out a Lion's Den coupon at Target. Apparently not all nut butters are the same.

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

Omfg. Why didn't I just have a litter of puppies?

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

You know you're tired of children when you see a kid spill something on a commercial and you instinctively say, "Goddamnit."

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

Just finished oiling my cat. If you think that's an awkward euphemism, you're wrong.

[Lacyfer @Metal_Mamma]

Pizza rolls: 10 minutes to cook, 2 hours until the insides won't boil your mouth like lava.